


Send Me An Angel

by BeautifullyEmotionalTeen



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Angels, Depression, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2018-12-18 12:14:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11874162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeautifullyEmotionalTeen/pseuds/BeautifullyEmotionalTeen
Summary: No one can deny that Tyler Joseph is troubled. Inside he feels wrong, empty, worthless. He gets to the point where he thinks, maybe life isn't for everyone. Encouraged by his mother, he prays one night for help, for guidance. Some say God works in mysterious ways, but sometimes he works in the form of giving dorky companions to make living a little bit easier.Needless to say, Tyler is in for one hell of a ride.





	1. He's All Alone

**Author's Note:**

> quick note: Angels in this story do not have an specific gender, thus the "they/them" pronouns :)

Tyler opened his eyes. It was yet another day in the same old room with the same old ceiling. He asked himself if he really wanted to get out of bed, force himself to go down the stairs and make himself some breakfast that would taste dull anyway, or stay on the sheets at the mercy of his thoughts. He swallowed hard and pulled himself out of bed and into the kitchen. 

He didn’t notice his mother was there, staring at him with wide eyes, due to the fact that it had been a while since Tyler was out of his room in the morning. She stared at his son, taking in his slim figure and tired eyes. He had lost a lot of weight recently; he was looking weaker every day. Kelly Joseph was worried sick about his son, how she would look into Tyler’s eyes and see nothing but a deep sadness, no joy or hope. She knew Tyler wasn’t okay; he wasn’t fine as he claimed. 

He moved slowly, making himself some cereal and eating it while standing there. Suddenly, his hands started shaking, the spoon clinging against the bowl. Tyler closed his eyes tightly and hung his head, almost bursting into tears. The cereal crashed onto the floor, the bowl broke into a million pieces and the milk started covering the kitchen floor. Tyler fell to the floor and curled up into a tight ball, burying his fingers in his hair and pulling harshly. His mother came to the rescue, driving him away from the sharp pieces of the bowl. 

She let him sob on her shoulder, not sure why. Tyler didn’t know why he was crying either. Thoughts and realizations and pressure just came crashing down on him and it was too overwhelming to just keep eating his cereal. He felt horrible, seeing the mess he had made, how worried his mother appeared and how heavy his head was, unable to focus or calm down. 

She said it was okay, but those words didn’t bring comfort anymore. Was it really okay? It wasn’t! 

He tried to help clean up, but his mother replied: 

“Your hands are still shaking, Ty, you could get hurt with these shards. It’s okay, I’ll clean up.” 

And up the stairs he went. He never should’ve gone down. Lying down for a while sounded like really good advice, but for Tyler it was the opposite. Lying still was just an open invitation for his demons to come torture him as they pleased. Instead he walked in circles around the room, and poked his head out the window. He looked down, wondering how much it would hurt to fall. He would probably break a bone, but that was it. 

Tyler was alone. 

He had just gotten out of high school and while everyone was applying to colleges and thinking about the future, Tyler was having mental breakdowns late at night and spending the day locked in his room. School wasn’t exactly nice, but now that it was gone Tyler felt like he didn’t have a goal anymore. At least then he had a road, a very long spiky road but a path nevertheless, and he could follow it, he knew where he was going. 

Tyler wasn’t interested in making memories or getting involved or any of that crap, he wanted to pass his classes and get the fuck out. 

He thought it would be better, but it wasn’t. Now he was left in the middle of nowhere, no road, no path, and no goal. He didn’t know where to go, what do to. At first he had thought about playing basketball professionally, it was something he was really good at, but after a while it became dull shooting hoops and practicing, it left him as empty as always. 

His parents weren’t forcing him to pick a college, at least not yet. It was at the end of senior year that Tyler started to get worst, so they were mostly worried about his well-being than what he wanted to do with his life. Tyler didn’t know, he was never sure and couldn’t picture himself having any job or profession. 

Tyler was young but he wouldn’t be forever, so time was torturing him with the prospect that sooner or later he would have to face difficult choices, and if he chose wrong there was no going back. 

Sometimes he would go down into the basement, where his instruments rested. There was a time when Tyler enjoyed playing them, his favorite was the piano. He would sit for hours playing the keys and rocking back and forth. Now he just went there without even bothering to turn the lights on, and the house would be filled with a single note, repeated over and over. Tyler would be hunched over the piano, pressing that one note with his finger, lost in thought and struggling to breathe. 

His parents, Kelly and Chris, didn’t know what else to say. They had tried to cheer Tyler up, hoping it was just him going through a rough patch, but that patch seemed to be endless as the weeks went by and things got gloomier and gloomier. They would go to bed and then jump out of sleep to Tyler banging his hands on the walls and screaming. As if he was a little child having a nightmare, one of them would rush to his side and soothe him. This time the monster wasn’t under the bed or lurking in the shadows, it was on the inside where mommy and daddy couldn’t reach it and make it go away with their magical parent powers. It became so constant they took turns to wake up and make sure Tyler was okay and not twitching around in pain. 

“We have to do something, Chris.” Kelly said, looking at her husband with teary eyes. 

“We’ve tried everything we could think of, it’s not just regular sadness anymore.” He answered. 

“Do you think he is…?”

“Depressed? I’m afraid he is. And it’s a very bad case.” 

She sighed deeply. Deep down she already knew it was something more serious than just being in a bad mood, back when the screaming and frustrated crying started. 

“We can get him therapy, get him to vent some of it out and maybe he’ll get better.” Her husband suggested. He was rubbing his hair nervously and looking at her over the table. 

“He doesn’t want to.” She answered. “I told him that talking to someone could help him, a professional maybe, but he refuses to even say a word about it. I tried to make him talk to me but it just puts him under a lot of stress.” 

“Kelly, we _need_ to do something before this gets any worse! Our child is in pain, he’s suffering; I know it’s hurting you too. It’s not just that he’s sad, I notice he feels empty, and at night he acts likes he’s possessed!” 

“He needs a friend.” She assured. “All the ones he had on high school left…”

“Friends come and go, it’s part of life.” 

“Yeah but he’s all alone now. He needs to have someone there for him.” 

“And what do we do?” he asked, his voice full of despair. 

“We have faith.” She answered, rubbing his hand comfortably. “We pray and trust that God has a plan. He always has a plan.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tyler was kneeling besides his bed, his hands together. He felt a weird pressure on his throat at the mere thought of doing this. 

Earlier that day he had gone down to help his mother wash the dishes, thinking it would make him less of a burden to her. While he was scrubbing plates, her mom spoke to him with that soft voice she used when she didn’t want to hurt him. 

“Did you sleep well last night?” he wasn’t loud enough to wake them up, so she assumed it had been okay. 

“Not really.” He answered, not looking up from the soapy water. 

“What happened?” she asked in hopes of getting a straight answer. 

“Maddy kept complaining about the noise, Jay was out cold though.” 

That seemed to shock Kelly. Her younger kids hadn’t said a word about the whole Tyler situation, they seemed to be enjoying summer on their own little happy cloud, and that ultimately made the parents feel a little better. 

“What about Zack? Did he say anything?” 

“He sneaked out at like, 11.” Tyler said, and a little smirk appeared on his face when he heard his mom let out an angry huff. “I told him not to, he didn’t listen.” 

She would deal with her other teenager later. 

“Ty.” She called sweetly, and Tyler knew a speech was coming. “You know that the Lord always listens to your prayers so…”

“I’ve done that many times, mom.” He answered before she could continue. 

“You have to be persistent. You know God, sometimes you have to be a little annoying with him. Would you do that for me, please?” 

Tyler could hear the desperation in her voice. She was getting worried by the minute and he was running out of options. That scenario brought him there, kneeling on the bedside and looking at the ceiling. 

“Lord, please listen to my prayer.” He started; the silence around him was heavy, there were no insects creaking, no cars roaming around outside. Everyone was asleep. He choked slightly and tears began rolling down his cheeks. “I can’t take this anymore… why did you give me such a burden if you know I’m weak? Is this a punishment? Did I do something wrong?” 

No answer. As if the light was going to manifest in his room and give him the answers he sought. 

“Please send me an angel.” He said out loud, as if it was the most reasonable request ever made. “I… I can’t save myself, please help me…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heaven shook, but none of its inhabitants really noticed it, mainly because they were already used to it. That slight rumble happened every time a human sent out a request, a prayer asking for something, and there were a lot of them most of the time so the angels had learning to live with it. 

That was going to be a common day, until a voice was heard throughout the heavenly space. 

“Joshua.” 

They stopped, frozen in place. They looked around a little bit, confused. They couldn’t have imagined it; they heard their name loud and clear in their head. Oh God, God was calling them. _Them_ of all angels! He probably had a special request, just for them to carry out. The thought of serving their Father made them smile. 

When they arrived to his side, they combed their messy feathers with their fingers and stood straighter. 

“Father.” They spoke, trying to sound serious. “You’ve called, I’ve listened.” 

“I’ve got a mission for you, Joshua, a very special one.” 

God saw His angel’s feathers puff with delight, shaking in anticipation. He smiled, thinking they were the perfect one for the job. 

“Your wish is my command, Father.” 

“There’s a kid named Tyler Joseph. I’ve received a lot of prayers from his family and from himself. I’ve seen his suffering and…”

“Why is he suffering?” Joshua asked with curiosity. They went red with embarrassment at their interruption and just added a little: “Father?” 

“He’s tortured by a demon, but he blames himself.” 

“That… doesn’t make much sense, Father. Why would he blame himself if it’s a demon that’s hurting him?” Joshua seemed confused in a really innocent way. 

“Tyler’s still young, he’s confused and he still has a lot to learn. He has lost his way and his crying out for help. Therefore I’ve decided to send you, Joshua, down to Earth so you can guide him into the light again.” 

Joshua’s eyes shone with excitement. They were going down to Earth?? _Them_?? They couldn’t believe it! The only ones that were allowed on Earth were the guardian angels which were there basically all the time, and on special occasion, his sibling Gabriel got to go that one time. There hadn’t been a special occasion in a long time, and now they were finally going to visit their Father’s beloved planet and had the task of saving a human. A human! Tyler Joseph the human, that name sounded familiar… yeah, his guardian angel had been complaining about it, so the situation had to be really bad. 

Joshua was wondering why Father had chosen them out of all their thousands of siblings, but it made them extremely happy. Most angels didn’t have such vivid emotions like Joshua; they always had a light of joy on their face. Their happiness had been a strong point in God’s decision. 

They were going to make their Father proud, they were going to save Tyler Joseph. 


	2. Find Tyler Joseph and Save Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joshua gets down to Earth, and he's amazed by all the people and the colors and the sounds.  
> Now he just needs to find Tyler, a rather difficult task that will put him to the test.

There once was a man named William Dun. He lived in Los Angeles and he a was kind man, devoted to his job, a man of faith. One day he heard the voice of God himself… asking him to throw himself off the nearest cliff. He stalled as long as he could, fearing the voice might not be exactly God, but later came to the conclusion that He was putting him to the test, testing his faith. So he climbed up a cliff and jumped off the edge, trusting God to catch him. And He did… sort of. 

One of the Lord’s angels entered his body, occupying his flesh and making it their own. William was received by the angel’s numerous siblings and welcomed into his personal heaven. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Joshua had never been in a vessel, and it felt like he had new clothes on, that were still too fresh and soft. The angel touched his face and just took in the aspects of his new body. Now transformed into a ‘he’, Joshua was standing in the middle of a green area. Little children were running around, there were people with dogs, and it all seemed so… alive. 

“Joshua.” He heard his Father’s voice. “Get to Columbus, Ohio, find Tyler Joseph and save him.” 

He then started walking down the street, wondering where Columbus, Ohio was. And what was it? Was it like a house? A special spot? He walked besides all those people, living their everyday lives and he felt a little out of place. What he didn’t notice was that the people were being caressed softly by the feathers on his wings, fully stretched behind his back. 

He tried asking his Father for a little hint, but only found silence. He tended to do that a lot, and now he understood how annoying it was. He had told him he couldn’t just fly there; people would see him and freak out. The lost angel started feeling a bit impatient. 

“Hello.” He said to a lady that was standing beside a bus stop. “Do you know how can I get to Columbus, Ohio?” 

“Ohio?” she said, sounding surprised. “That’s all the way across the country!”

“How far, exactly?” He asked, earning a confused look from the woman. 

“How far? Like I would know! Two thousand miles maybe? 

“That’s a lot of miles.” 

“Yeah. If you wanna get there, you better get on a plane.” 

“And where can I find a plane?” He asked. The woman saw he was completely serious. 

“…In an airport…” 

“Airport.” He repeated. “Okay. I can get to an airport, thank you.” 

Getting to ‘an airport’ wasn’t really easy. When he asked how to get there, people would just tell him to take a cab, but he didn’t know how to use a cab. Apparently it was the only way to get there, and he wasn’t giving up at the first difficulty in the journey. God trusted him; he needed to do this right. By observing other humans for a while, he managed to make a cab stop for him. Delighted, he awkwardly squeezed his body and his wings into the tiny cabin and told the driver to take him to an airport as fast as possible. 

He stared out the window, looking at the cars and the landscape passing by. He was a little bit shaken by all the noise, all the activity going on around him as if everyone was rushing and going incredibly fast all the time. 

When the cab stopped, the driver demanded some numbers and Joshua was left speechless. Why did that man want numbers? Did they mean anything to him? How could he give them to him? 

Suddenly, his pocket felt heavy. When he checked, there were a few green papers rolled into each other. Joshua stared at them, frowning, but then he saw they had numbers on them. Maybe that could please the driver. 

It did, a lot, and that made Joshua happy. It was a relief to see that his Father was there with him, giving him those papers so he wouldn’t get stuck. 

Joshua knew humans had a very complex system of rules, and that breaking those rules was considered rude and disrespectful to them. Joshua didn’t want to offend anyone by doing things wrong, so he just observed and imitated. That super effective method got him to the front of a desk were a nice young man asked him how could he help him. 

“I need to go to Columbus, Ohio.” He said, and was happy that the man seemed to understand. 

“Okay, are you travelling on your own, sir?” 

“… Yes, it’s just me… sir?” He answered and examined the man’s face to see if he had made some mistake. It felt a little weird to be called ‘sir’, and he didn’t know what to do so he just said it back. 

“Do you have baggage?” 

“No…sir.” 

“Oh, okay… next flight available leaves in a couple minutes. What would be your way of payment?” 

Payment? Joshua didn’t know what that was. He bit his lips nervously and seeing the young man was waiting for an answer, he started panicking a little bit. 

“All I have is these numbers.” He said and just showed him the paper rectangles that had appeared in his pocket. 

“Oh wow, that’s way more than enough.” 

That had been the right thing to do; he even got some of the numbers back! He was also given yet another piece of paper with more numbers. He figured humans really loved papers with big numbers on them. But what was he supposed to do with that? Give it to another human like he had been doing all this time? 

He wandered around the place, completely lost, until he found a lady behind a desk that read ‘information’. Maybe she could give him some answers. The angel showed her the paper and she got alarmed all of a sudden, telling him to run to the gate six before the plane left. The plane was going to leave without him? That couldn’t be possible! The lady’s panic rubbed off on him so he started rushing down looking for a big six, his feet barely touching the ground. 

Finally he was able to get into the so called plane just in time, but he regretted it instantly. He didn’t fancy being trapped in a giant tube of compressed air, sure it was a pretty smart solution to the human’s problem of not being able to fly, but the thing was ridiculously small and cramped and Joshua had to fold his wings in an uncomfortable position to not bother anyone. 

He stayed still for hours on end, shaking around with the movement of the machine. He decided he didn’t like airplanes. While he was trapped, he started thinking about Tyler Joseph, what he was like, how was he supposed to save him. 

“Dad?” he whispered. 

Silence. 

“You’re giving me the silent treatment? Ugh, Dad.” He whined, already sick of breathing the synthetic air. 

“You’re young and hilariously clueless, a perfect companion for Tyler.” He said, mocking him. 

“I’m a thousand years old, Dad, I’m not a kid.” He protested. 

“You’ll always be my little kid, Joshua. And don’t worry, when you meet him you’ll see what Tyler Joseph needs.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joshua was more than grateful to get out of the plane. As soon as he had space, he outstretched his wings, which caused the wind to pipe up and mess some people’s hair. He wanted to take off badly, but he controlled himself and walked like a human. 

By the looks of a big artwork filled with roads and names, Columbus, Ohio was a really big place. Joshua sighed in frustration. There were thousands of humans in that place how was he supposed to find one? And he couldn’t take all day, all week, the request was urgent. He needed to find Tyler Joseph NOW. 

He asked for a little guidance, just one more little cheat and his Father complied. He led him through streets and avenues, Joshua not really thinking about anything, just letting his feet be moved by a greater force. 

When it stopped, he was in the middle of a road that looked exactly the same as all the others. There were houses rising beside each other, some kids playing on the street and some trees on the background. People were passing by, always going somewhere, and when he managed to stop and ask, all he got were negative answers. 

Excuse me, where can I find Tyler Joseph? Hello, are you Tyler Joseph? Do you know Tyler Joseph? 

All answered with no’s and shaking heads. Joshua has getting frustrated by the minute, the sun was going down and his Dad wasn’t answering. He sighed, and sat on a bench heavily. He was on a park, watching all the kids leave with their parents as the evening came down and the light slowly faded. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tyler needed a change of space. The silence of his room was no longer comforting; the sound of his own ragged breathing hurt his ears. He didn’t feel like talking to anyone, so he threw on a dark hoody and walked with his head low, hands stuffed in his pouch and giving off a vibe so strong he actually saw a mother stir her kids away from him. 

That made him chuckle. When mothers with little children started avoiding you, it was a whole other level of wrong. 

He reached the park and was walking casually down the gravel path when suddenly he tripped and fell onto the hard rocks. Luckily it was late and nobody was around to see his amazing ability of tripping over flat surfaces. Tyler didn’t even bother to get up; he stayed there with his forehead pressed against the ground, holding back tears. 

“Are you okay?” he heard a voice saying, and for a second doubted it was calling him. Then he realized nobody else was around. He lifted his head slowly, a few little stones still sticking to his skin, and blinked a few times. 

There was a guy with dark brown hair and kind eyes sitting on a bench, hunched over and looking at him. Tyler sat up slowly and ran a hand through his hair, which was getting too long and sticking out in all directions. He was tired of the same old, empty words, so he just answered: 

“Not really.” 

The guy tilted his head slightly to the right, and then walked over to him. Tyler thought he was going to offer him a hand, but instead he crouched besides him and wrapped his arms around him, lifting him completely up the ground. He let out a yelp of surprise but didn’t try to fight it; he simply let himself be carried in an awkward position until the guy sat him on the bench. The stranger then wiped the gravel off his knees and arms, and looked at him confused by the slight blush on his cheeks. 

What kind of person sees someone that has fallen over and just _picks them up_ like they’re a little child? 

“I’m not that good either.” The guy said, and Tyler, still a little freaked out by the weird form of meeting, decided to ask: 

“Why?” 

“Well my dad told me to find this guy, and I’ve been around for hours on end and I can’t seem to even be close to him. It makes me feel so… so…”

Seeing he was struggling with words, Tyler helped him out: 

“Frustrated?” 

“Yes! Frustrated!” suddenly his expression fell into one of sadness. “I mean, I’m always trying to please him but everything I do just isn’t enough. There are also my siblings, they’re better than me because they’re all mighty and powerful and I’m… not. I often feel like I’m just another one in the crew.” 

“Pretty big family?” he asked, intrigued because he would never describe his siblings as ‘mighty and powerful’. They wouldn’t describe him like that either. 

“Like you wouldn’t imagine.” 

“I assume you’re one of the youngest? And all the others are already successful and knowing what they’re doing?” 

“See, you understand.” He said. Tyler was kind of glad he wasn’t the only one feeling useless. Even though he was the oldest brother, he often felt like he was competing with everyone else. Not his siblings, Zack was 16 and going through a rebellious phase, Maddy was 12 and barely a teen and Jay was just 8, still a little kid to him. If anything _he_ should be the one setting the example. That was clearly not the case. “Not like my sibling Michael who's always telling me I’ll be as good someday.” He rolled his eyes. “Easy for them to say, they’re dad's favorite.” 

Tyler caught on the lack of male pronouns and the use of ‘sibling’ instead of ‘brother’ or ‘sister’, and was intrigued by it. He didn’t know anyone like that. Was the guy also like that? 

“Come on.” He said, trying to cheer him up. “I’m sure you’re pretty good.” 

That came out more flattering that he had intended. The guy’s face seemed to light up completely. 

“You really think that?” 

“Yeah!” that came out a little too eager. “I mean… I think everybody is pretty good at something.” 

“What are you pretty good at?” he asked. 

“I…” Tyler stuttered, not knowing the real answer so he just said: “I don’t know… basketball, I guess.” 

“That sounds…” he paused for a second, looking for words again. “Sportive.” 

Tyler chuckled and the guy seemed pleased with himself. They chatted normally, as if they weren’t the only ones in the park very late at night. Tyler found the stranger pretty nice, his laughter was so light and genuine it just felt good to hear. 

“Hey, maybe I can help you find this guy you’re looking for, I’m fairly local.” 

“Really??” he asked, like him offering him help was something extraordinary. “Thank you so much. Columbus Ohio is an unknown land to me.” 

“Where do you come from?” 

“Heaven.” 

Heaven? Where was that? Was it a city? A country he didn’t know of? Tyler didn’t question him further. Suddenly, something in the atmosphere changed. The guy sat upright and stayed there in silence, as if he was hearing a message in the wind. Then he blinked a couple times and said: 

“I should get going. It’s pretty late.” 

“Yeah…” Tyler murmured, trying to hide his disappointment. “My name’s Tyler by the way. Tyler Joseph.” 

Tyler thought he saw a spark of recognition and excitement in his eyes, but he must have imagined it. He had never seen him; he would’ve remembered meeting someone so unique. 

“…Joshua.” He said. “Just Joshua.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! here's a new chapter  
> thank you so much for the kudos, hope you're having a great week!


	3. I Really Like Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crazy things happen at night, don't they?

Joshua had the biggest smile plastered on his face as he walked down the streets. His wings were recoiled around him as he squirmed with joy. He had found Tyler Joseph! Well, Tyler Joseph found him. He sighed, and looked up at the dark night sky. 

“Thanks Dad.” He said. Of course He was behind all of that. Sometimes his plans made him shake his head, but in the end they were perfect in their own odd way. His Father had told him to end the conversation. Joshua understood that, it had to be a long process, this of saving Tyler Joseph, and he felt he needed to rest. He was feeling a bit wobbly, his eyelids were heavy and his sight was going in and out of focus, as if it wanted to slip into unconsciousness…

Tired. He was tired. He needed to sleep and recover his forces. 

But where was he going to sleep? It wasn’t like someone was going to open their house and offer him a place to stay. When he was walking in silence, wondering about his near future, he heard something. He stopped at the edge of an alley, looking for the origin of the sound, which was at his feet. 

It was a fluffy animal, tiny as a tin can. Joshua crouched and looked at the little animal, slightly touching its ears and fur. It made that sound again, soft and high-pitched. It was a kitty, a cub with dirty orange fur. It was trembling and meowing, rubbing its body against Joshua’s leg. He picked it up carefully, and held it against his chest, completely amazed by how _beautiful_ and soft the creature was.

Suddenly, more kitties came out of the dark, running towards him. Joshua was torn; he couldn’t take them all with him because there were at least seven of them. Then a bigger cat came out, its yellowish eyes sparking. That had to be the mom.

“The cats, I must befriend them” he thought as he followed the fluffy balls deeper into the alley, into a little den made out of dirty and old pieces of cloth. The kitties left Joshua’s side to run back into the warmth of their mother, and the angel simply lied besides the family, covering and protecting them with his wings. 

He thought about Tyler Joseph, and how his smile was beautiful. Maybe as beautiful as the kittens. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Joshua woke up, his limbs were all numb and he felt sore all over. He sat up and ruffled his hair, seeing that the kittens were still asleep but the mother was gone. He noticed how all the cubs were dirty and really thin. 

“I’ll come back later, I swear.” He said, walking slowly out the alley and feeling the rays of sunshine bathe his skin. He didn’t last long by himself. 

“How come we keep running into each other at the most random of places?” when he turned his head, he saw Tyler Joseph walking up to him with an ironic smile. It was incredibly early, what was he doing there? Again, the universe is rarely that lazy, coincidences were often his Dad’s doings. 

“I think the universe is setting us up.” Joshua knew it was true, but he panicked a little bit when Tyler’s cheeks went red. The silence was broken by Joshua’s stomach, which decided to imitate the calling of a whale. This time it was Joshua’s turn to blush. 

“Someone’s hungry.” Tyler said with a smile. 

“Ah… yes, hungry.” He repeated. “I need… food.” 

“I haven’t had breakfast either.”

“Aren’t you supposed to have breakfast as soon as you wake up?” he asked, and Tyler raised his eyebrows, giving him a sassy expression. 

“Well the majority of us break that rule then. Including you.” he saw him stare at his messy hair and puffy eyes. “I guess is pretty early, what are you doing up?”

Joshua didn’t know how to respond, and after a few seconds of silence he just came to the conclusion that when he didn’t have an answer he would just fire the question back. 

“What are _you_ doing up?” 

That seemed to get Tyler by surprise, and he blinked a couple times before stuttering: 

“I-I really like dawn, so I just…”

He was lying, the angel could tell. Humans tended to do that a lot, but Tyler just seemed to be avoiding the question so Joshua didn’t press any further. 

“That sounds nice, Tyler Joseph.” He looked surprised at the use of his whole name. Was that wrong? Was it offensive? “Did that offend you?” 

“No! no.” he said, giggling at how ridiculous the situation was, mainly because Joshua looked really distressed. “It just really formal, you can call me Tyler.” 

He pondered the new piece of information about human behavior, and asked:

“Is my name okay? Or is it too formal?” 

“I don’t know, depends on how you feel about it, Joshua.” 

“My Dad calls me that, I don’t have another way of calling myself…” he said, tilting his head to the side. They had started to walk aimlessly, lost in the spontaneous conversation. 

“What about Josh?” 

Josh. That sounded so warm in Tyler’s voice, he loved it. He smiled and his wings trembled with joy. Some of the feathers caressed Tyler in the back, and he turned to see what had brushed against him only to see empty space. Josh winced; he had to be more careful about that. 

“So, dawn. You wake up early just to see it, why?” 

“Well, I like the colors of the sky, the sunrise makes the clouds all orange and red. Also almost everybody is still sleeping, so it is quiet. It’s like late at night but with more light and… fresher.” 

Some birds started hovering over them, chirping. Josh was really starting to see how beautiful his Dad’s creation was. 

“Dad really likes dawn too.” 

“The thing is that the majority of businesses are closed. We can go to McDonald’s though.” 

“Is McDonald’s open?” Josh didn’t know what that was. He didn’t know what many things were, so he let Tyler guide him. 

“Yeah, is a 24-hour.” 

“Wait.” Josh said, frowning. “That means is open 24 hours????” 

“Yeah…” Tyler said, and was amused to see how Josh’s eyes lit up in disbelief.

“It never closes????” 

“No…”

“How??? Is that possible???” He asked, and Tyler saw he was completely serious. Maybe there weren’t 24-hour restaurants in Heaven? Josh seemed to be amazed by things Tyler considered really common. 

“Well there’s day shifts and night shifts, people come and go.” He explained.

“That’s genius!! You can go whenever you want because is always open!!

Tyler tried to hold back a smile, but couldn’t help the ends of his lips curling up. It was a little weird but incredibly funny. It became a lot funnier when they entered the establishment and Josh stared at the brightly painted walls. Tyler ordered for both of them, and decided to pay for him as well. He sat in front of his new friend munching on his fries and watching him talk about the chicken nuggets as if they were the most amazing thing in the universe. 

He also looked like he hadn’t eaten in ages, and looking hard enough his clothes were dirty, as if he had slept on the floor. 

“This food comes from heaven.” He mumbled, sighing with content. 

“You come from heaven.” Tyler joked, and Josh smiled cheekily at him. 

“That’s right.” Tyler found himself looking at the way Josh’s eyes became smaller when he smiled. 

“Wait until you’ve tasted Taco Bell, then you’ll know what heaven feels like.”

“I already know what heaven feels like, that’s my home.” 

Tyler chuckled and just kept eating his fries. He didn’t care that they were the only ones in the whole restaurant apart from the sleep-deprived cashier, or that their laughter was bouncing off the walls, in that moment he felt something in his chest, something warm that replaced the usual emptiness. He cherished it, looking up and murmuring a silent thank you. 

He had listened to his prayers after all, sending him an angel that was silly and pure, but that made the pain go away for a while. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Josh was back at his alley, stroking the belly of one of the kittens while other was taking a nap on his lap. They were still feeding on their mother’s milk, so Josh brought her some chicken nuggets he had put on his pocket without anyone knowing. 

“The cats are now my friends, they let me sleep with them.” He thought. 

He had named all of them, and was starting to feel like a mom whenever the little ones would try to climb him. He experienced the first doses of pain since he arrived to Earth when the kittens struck him with their claws playfully. 

The mother was Catalie Portman. The kits were Clawsome, Catzilla, Meowses, Galacticat, Catastrophe, Catsanova and Pawssanova and they were all his children. 

He was forming a new friendship with that old lady that lived nearby, she gave him all those amazing names and also gave him a candy she pulled out of her purse. 

He sat there in silence, thinking. 

Tyler seemed to be pretty okay, he was a nice human, but he was hiding something, and Josh didn’t understand. He knew better than to push him, he was aware of the delicacy of the situation and if he was going to do anything he needed to do it at Tyler’s pace, giving him time to open up. 

He was really nice, he gave him McDonalds. 

He also gave him his address. At first Tyler wanted to give him his phone number and was really shy about it, but then burst out laughing nervously when Josh told him he didn’t have a phone. Josh thanked him for the address, and let him go without telling him he didn’t know how to read the address, what the numbers meant. 

Instead of just asking someone, he waited until the sun went down to stretch his wings and fly high above the clouds, the feeling of the wind against his skin refreshing. The streets were lightened by yellow lamps, and he was able to see his shadow created by the moonlight on the floor, and he stared at his winged figure with pleasure. His Dad had really made a good job. 

He scanned each house nearby until he found the one he was looking for. He flapped his wings rapidly like a big bird to hang from the windowsill of Tyler’s room, not really caring about the fact that he was incredibly visible. No one was out anyway.

He stared through the window, hoping to see Tyler sleeping peacefully. Instead he saw him with his eyes closed tightly, his usually soft and kind features were twisted in a painful expression, and he was shivering and twitching around. 

“Tyler?” Josh whispered, placing his hand on the glass. Tyler was now screaming in agony, clawing at his chest and neck as if something was suffocating him, leaving red marks on his skin. His voice broke into a loud, pained cry and then into a sob, and Josh started to feel the distress, something he hadn’t experienced before and that was making him want to cry as well. 

Finally he went completely still, and buried his face in the pillows, sobbing softly. Josh wanted to come in, but decided against it when the bedroom door opened and an older woman pocket her head in 

“Ty are you okay, sweetie? What’s wrong?” she asked, her voice revealing her worry. 

“Yes, mom. I’m fine.” He murmured. 

He was lying. 

“Are you sure?” she pressed, but didn’t get an answer. The woman entered the room and knelt on the bed, pulling her crying son towards her and wrapping her arms around him. Tyler held onto her tightly, and Josh saw how protective the woman was of her child. She rubbed his back and soothed him, so Josh let himself fall and recovered himself inches from the ground. 

Hearing Tyler scream and cry had done something to his heart. It was _hurting_. The new feeling was confusing and painful for him. He went back to his alley and curled up, hiding his face in his knees. Meowses clawed at the fabric of his pants, trying to get his attention. 

Catzilla started meowing at him, but was soon silenced by Pawssanova tackling him. Soon every kitten was around him, meowing and scratching him to get him out of the weird trance he was in. 

Little tears ran down his cheeks. If Tyler had to experience that kind of pain everyday then Josh would never leave his side ever again. Why did it hurt so badly? 

He decided he would go back into Tyler’s house as soon as it was a more decent hour to knock on someone’s door. The purrs of the kittens calmed that sudden ache in his chest and helped him breathe again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! here's a new chapter to our beautiful story  
> hope you're having a great day/night! <3


	4. You Can Trust Me, Ty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler didn't expect to see Josh again so soon, the boy is full of surprises.  
> Sometimes he needs to clear his head far away from the city, and he decides that maybe bringing Josh along isn't such a bad idea

Kelly Joseph went down the stairs when her son finally fell asleep again and after she tended to her other children that had been awoken by all the screaming. She didn’t want to think about it, instead she was in the kitchen table sipping a cup of coffee and trying to forget the incidents and just relax for a little while. 

Tyler was asleep, there were no nightmares, and he was resting. At least for now. 

Suddenly, someone knocked at the door softly, and Kelly wondered who it could be. When she opened the door, there was a young guy standing in front of her, his hair was brownish and his whole self seemed messy, but his brown eyes were really innocent and kind. 

“Hello, how can I help you?” she asked, and the guy squirmed slightly before answering: 

“Hello… Tyler’s mother, I’m here to see Tyler.” 

That caught her out of guard. Who was this guy? How did he know Tyler? Maybe it was a friend from school? A friend? A friend! She recovered her composure and stood up a little straighter, trying to be nice to Tyler’s friend. It was a little weird that he’d called her ‘Tyler’s mother’, even though it was true. 

“Really? I didn’t know Tyler had anyone coming.” 

“Oh, he probably doesn’t know I’m here.” 

So he just decided to drop by? It was like the Lord was answering her prayers! She had asked for someone to come into Tyler’s life that could help him heal in ways she couldn’t, and it was like God was delivering it to her door. Trying to hide her happiness, she shouted: 

“Tyler! Someone’s here to see you!” 

“What?” a confused voice came from upstairs. Clearly he wasn’t expecting someone. “Who?” 

“Sorry, what’s your name?” the boy perked up and said: 

“Joshua, but he calls me Josh.” 

“Joshua!” she shouted. 

“Joshua?!” Tyler answered, running down the stairs. 

His eyes were still red and puffy and he was dressed with pajamas, and he stopped midway to stare at the guy. Josh smiled at him, a smile so genuine even Kelly was surprised. 

“Hey.” He said, looking at Tyler with joy in his eyes. 

“Hey.” Her son answered, softly and for the first time in a long time, she saw a smile appear in his face. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What-what are you doing here?” Tyler asked, leaning on the doorframe. He had gone back upstairs and thrown on whatever looked decent, fixed his hair in the mirror and rubbed his eyes, all at the speed of light before coming back down to meet Josh, who looked exactly the same as yesterday… and the day before. 

“Oh, well, you gave me your address, so I decided to come by, see how you were doing. Since it’s early I figured you would be awake to go out and have a…walk.” 

Josh congratulated himself. He was getting better at lying. 

“Oh do you want to come in?” his mom offered, the biggest smile on her face. “Have a snack, maybe eat with us?” 

“MOOOOOOM, we’re just going out, God.” Tyler said, rolling his eyes and blushing slightly. Kelly caught on the look in Josh’s face that told her he did want to come in and have a snack. But Tyler pushed them both out so she simply called: 

“Okay, have fun!” 

Tyler dragged Josh along and away from his house, placing them both on the street. Josh started walking slowly, wobbling slightly and staring at Tyler with his mocha eyes. 

“Where are we going?” 

“Wherever you want to go.” He answered, giving him a sweet smile. 

Tyler felt something twist in his stomach, and breathed in and out deeply. He enjoyed mornings, he was already sleep-deprived so waking up early wasn’t a problem. Josh on the other hand looked like he hadn’t slept at all, he wasn’t wearing a jacket or anything to protect him from the cold, so his naked arms were full of goose bumps but he didn’t seem to mind. Tyler wondered if he had eaten yet. Something in his mind told him that maybe it was a good idea for Josh to come eat with them. His father had sent him here, where was he staying? 

He shook all those questions out of his head, he didn’t want to overwhelm him. 

“The first time we met, in the park, you said you weren’t okay but we rambled about my problems” Josh said. “Why are you not okay?” 

Tyler stopped breathing and looked away, hiding his face from Josh. Josh frowned and raised his hand to softly grab Tyler’s chin and guide him to look at him. Tyler’s eyes widened at the action and his cheeks went bright red, so Josh dropped his hand as if he had been burned. 

“You can trust me, Ty.” He said, using that nickname he had heard his mother use. 

Tyler blinked a couple times and sunk his hands in his hoodie’s pouch, hunching forward and making himself smaller. 

“I do trust you.” he said, and Josh knew he was on the right path. “Is just… something I’m not comfortable talking about.” 

“That’s okay.” He reassured him, and brushed their shoulders together. This time, Tyler didn’t look away; instead he leaned onto him slightly. “It’s going to be really hard to help you without knowing the reason, but I’m gonna do it anyway” 

Josh had a smile of sufficiency on his face, and Tyler chuckled at the comment but couldn’t help feeling a bit warm in his chest. 

“Is there a place I can take you to make you feel better?” Josh asked, picking up on the fact that Tyler was still a bit shaken up by his nightmare and he wanted to fix that. 

“I mean, I really like the forest but it’s quite far and I can rarely go.” 

“You mean that forest over there? With the big trees?” 

“Yeah, I guess I like nature…”

“I’ll take you.” Josh said, stopping and turning around in the direction of the trees. 

“What?” Tyler said, and almost tripped when Josh grabbed his hands and pulled him. “Josh, wait, how?” 

“I’ll carry you.” 

“C-carry me?” Tyler asked as Josh gave him his back and bent his knees. 

“Hop on my back, you trust me, right?” 

Tyler hesitated for a second but after looking around and seeing that no one was really paying attention to them, he placed his hands on Josh’s shoulders and hopped onto his back, feeling his arms hold his tights. Tyler wrapped his arms around Josh’s neck when he started sprinting down the street, making him yelp in surprise. 

Josh was fast. 

He ran as if he was as light as a feather and was being carried by the wind, even with Tyler’s weight on his back. Tyler felt his strong muscles pressed against his skin, and Josh’s grip on him was so firm he was absolutely sure he wasn’t going to fall. Seriously, he was really fast. Was he like a marathon runner? 

Pretty soon the houses started appearing less and less besides them, and the trees started rising with their thick trunks and evergreen leaves. 

It had been so long since he had last been there, and the memory wasn’t pretty. He had gone into the forest with the idea of not coming back out. The bitter image made him hold onto Josh tighter, and that didn’t go unnoticed. Josh stopped his race and dropped his friend, turning around quickly to see what was wrong. His eyes revealed how worried he was, so Tyler just shrugged it off. 

They walked through the trees, their footsteps drowned by the mushy ground of the forest. Tyler looked up and saw the branches block the sun, the birds flying above and even some small animals running through the canopy. Josh didn’t look up; his eyes were focused on Tyler. 

“The forest is really pretty.” He admitted, in all his years he had never seen the way the green shone in harmony with the brown. 

“It really calms me down, nobody can hear me scream.” 

The words were out of his mouth before he could do anything about it. His brain had just said what he was thinking without stopping to maybe consider he shouldn’t have said that. Oh he shouldn’t have said that. Now Josh was going to think he was insane, that he was a freak and he was going to leave. 

All went through Tyler’s head in a second, and Josh notices when he seemed overwhelmed with his thoughts racing crazily. He didn’t say anything, he simply placed a hand on Tyler’s shoulder and squeezed, letting him now he was there. Of course the sentence had freaked him out, but because he didn’t even consider how bad Tyler really was, he wanted to think that such a nice person was okay, but he wasn’t, he was crumbling on the inside and Josh could see it. 

“I… I just…” Tyler stuttered, feeling exposed like a deer in the headlights, like a rabbit surrounded by dogs. He started trembling uncontrollably and that’s when Josh started to panic. He grabbed him firmly by the shoulders trying to get him to stop shaking, Tyler could see his lips move but he didn’t hear a thing, it was like he was underwater and drowning. “I-I’m s-sorry…” he tried to say, but it came out like a ragged breath. 

When his vision was starting to white out, he felt Josh wrapped his strong arms around him. The contact brought his nerves back to life slowly, no longer feeling the numbness but the feeling of Josh’s skin through the fabric of his clothes. 

Seeing Tyler was starting to calm down, Josh wrapped his wings around him as well, caressing him with his feathers and keeping him warm. Tyler moaned softly and buried his face in his chest, so Josh slowly raised his hand to run his fingers through his hair softly. Josh could feel Tyler’s heartbeat, how it had gone crazy just a minute ago and how it was now slowing down. 

Tyler felt compelled to stay there between his arms since he felt so protected, so safe like he had never felt in a long time. It felt like nothing could hurt him, the voices could not reach him and he didn’t have to worry. For the first time in a long time he felt like maybe everything was going to be okay. 

But then he started to think. 

This is Josh and I’m all over him like a cat. 

He jumped backwards, away from him and couldn’t help but see how Josh’s eyes darkened in shame, as if he had done something wrong. 

“I’m sorry, Josh, I’m…” He started quickly. “I’m sorry you had to see that.” 

“Does that happen regularly?” Josh asked, his voice cautious. 

“I mean… sometimes.” He admitted. “More and more lately, but they always come to a stop eventually.” 

“Was I doing a good job stopping it?” 

Tyler fell silent, seeing Josh was completely serious. Josh had hugged _him_ , not the other way around. He saw him having an episode and he tried to stop it. 

“I-It’s not your job t-to…”

“So if it was…” he pressed. “Would I be good at it?” 

“You would be employee of the year.” Tyler said, letting a smile creep onto his face, and was relieved to see that Josh smiled back. “I’m sorry, I just-”

“Stop saying you’re sorry!” Josh interrupted him. “It’s not like it’s your fault, you can’t control it.” 

“…I know that. But it freaks people out.” 

“Not me, I would be employee of the year, remember?” 

Tyler chuckled and ultimately felt a little better. 

“I just need to clear by head.” 

“How do you usually do that?” 

“…Climbing.” He said, looking up, the height looking so tempting. 

Josh also looked up, and a smirk curved his lips, revealing a bit of his teeth. Not that Tyler was staring or anything. Much to his surprise, he said: 

“Then let’s do that.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I hope you're having a great day  
> if not, don't worry, the week is almost over :)  
> A big thank you to everyone that has left kudos, lots of love for you <3


	5. Sometimes I Want To Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler finds out that Josh is really something, and decides to keep him close to him. Josh is now very involved in Tyler's life and they wouldn't change any of it.

Tyler loved heights, especially the ones the trees provided him. With the years he had become a professional at climbing through the snaky branches, having also his amount of falls and broken bones. That didn’t stop him, he was always going higher and higher until the branches were too weak to hold him. 

He had done this in complete silence; it was his secret, so he had lied so many times to justify his injuries. 

It was something he did to clear his head, to focus on something else. Now he was having a hell of a time because he wasn’t alone, he had a clumsy friend following him. However Josh didn’t seem to have any fear of heights, and the few times Tyler’s heart stopped because he had slipped, he was able to recover pretty well. It was like he had the sense of balance of a bird that needed to flap its wings to stabilize itself. 

Finally they reached a branch that could support them both and that was way above the rest of the trees, so they had a fantastic view. There was a soft breeze to cool them and they sat side by side, their feet hanging. Tyler was looking down and giggling like a little kid, kicking his feet and curling his toes. 

“You know, most people would tell me not to climb, out here where no one can help me if something goes wrong. But no, you climb with me.” Tyler said. 

“I’m not afraid of heights.” He answered, looking down. 

“I am.” Tyler said, his eyes lost in the horizon. 

“Then why do you climb so high?” 

“The tingle of fear clears my head. I know it’s dangerous and that I might fall but… it’s like I’m closer to the sky, like I can just, fly away…”

Josh noticed how his voice was full of aspiration, as if he wanted to take off and leave all of that behind. Josh understood the desire for that kind of freedom flying seems to give. 

“I wouldn’t let you fall.” 

Tyler smiled, sighing, but then he looked away and said: 

“Sometimes I want to fall.” 

“Why?” Josh asked, controlling his voice, noticing that Tyler was slowly opening up to him so he didn’t want to ruin it. 

“I’m just… scared, constantly. I’m in pain and I don’t know why… or how to stop it.” 

That was more than Tyler had said to anyone in a while, after he had given up on it. He was very weary of talking about how he felt, because it somehow made it more real. He tried to interpret Josh’s silence; see if that made him uncomfortable but only found out the boy was thinking hard. 

“Are you in pain right now?” 

Now Tyler thought hard. 

“…No. But that’s because I’m up here, with you.” He turned his head to look at him and Josh smiled sweetly. “But as soon as we get down and I go home it will start up again. So… sometimes I wonder if it’s even worth it.” 

“What thing?” 

“Living.” 

The word dropped as if it was as heavy as a stone. The air had become tense because Tyler was really nervous, but saying what he felt and thought out loud was giving him a sense of relief, and Josh was letting him know that it was okay to talk about it. He felt… comfortable with him. 

“Why?” 

He didn’t expect that. He pictured people being horrified, but Josh just wanted to know why. He picked up on the fact that Josh’s questions weren’t intrusive, he was trying to _understand_. That gave him the confidence to answer. 

“Because I can’t be happy.” 

“Why?” 

“I don’t know, I just… cant. It’s like my brain isn’t wired to feel happiness, so I know there’s something really wrong with me. No matter what I do, I always feel...empty. And then there’s all this questions in my head that haunt me over and over like am I wasting my life? What if I’m making all the wrong choices?” 

Silence fell. Josh was left speechless by the sudden bump on his throat and the pain he had experienced the day before was starting to rise again. 

“I’m sorry I’m bothering you with this.” Tyler said, looking ashamed. 

“You’re not bothering me.” Josh reassured him. “Keep going.” 

“There’s also this… voice.” Tyler continued, determined to get it all out. “I don’t like talking about it because it makes me feel like I’m insane.” 

“What does the voice say?” 

“That I’m worthless.” 

“That’s not true.” Josh said instantly. 

Oh how many times had he heard that? The times he had tried to explain himself and gotten that same answer. 

“That’s what everyone tells me.” He answered bitterly. 

“And you decide to believe that voice?” 

That hurt him. Now it was like all the other times, people telling him to get over it, that it was easy, in that exact same tone. Tears starting filling his eyes and he hated himself for not being able to stop it. 

“The voice is in my head, Joshua, every day, every time I want to do something. It’s maddening and it never goes away!” he exclaimed, trying to swallow the pain he suddenly felt. He knew opening up like that was a mistake, now he just wanted to go back into the dark. 

Josh realized he had fucked up. He bit his lips nervously and tried to think of a way to fix it. 

“Ty…”

“Don’t call me that.” 

He flinched, visibly, and Tyler felt bad for answering in such a cutting way. Before he could do anything, Josh said: 

“I’m sorry I implied that you’re in bad place because you choose to.” Tyler looked up to him, surprised by his words. “Is that what happened? I didn’t mean it like that. Of course you don’t choose to feel like this, you’re not some kind of masochist. You’re suffering and not because you want to, okay? You can’t control it and therefore it’s not your fault.” 

Tyler felt a little better, what Josh said made sense. Still it was hard to not blame himself for all that happened, for some reason he couldn’t explain. 

“It’s not just me; I can tell it pains my mother too.” 

“Yes, because she loves you.” Josh said, his hand rubbing his forearm. “And she’s worried. It’s something she can’t control either.” 

“Still…”

“Is the voice there right now?” Josh asked before he could say anything else.

“…No.” 

“Good.” He smiled widely, and the emptiness in Tyler’s chest was replaced by a sensation of warmth, a tingly feeling that made him smile back. “I’ll keep this voice away from you, okay? I promise.” 

“And how would you do that?” Tyler questioned. 

“I’m doing it right now, am I not? And I say I’m pretty good at it.” 

Tyler bit his lips to hold back a smile, not quite succeeding. 

“You’re really something, Josh.” 

“You’re really something special, Tyler.” He said, and when he looked at him his eyes were completely sincere. What did this guy even see in him? How come he was able to make him feel safe and they had met like two days ago? 

“You can call me Ty if you want.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Weeks went by; Josh became Tyler’s best friend. In no time he was invited to dinner, and Josh saw how good of a person Tyler’s mother was. He also saw the woman’s happiness and she thanked him when Tyler wasn’t listening. 

There was a time when Josh couldn’t stall anymore and had to admit that he was sleeping on the street. He did a walk of shame up to the alley and the cats, that had accepted him as their own, ran up to him, meowing at the new human. Tyler was out of words, asking why the hell he had not said anything. 

“I didn’t want to bother you…” Josh whispered. 

“You’re literally homeless!” Tyler exclaimed, a little overwhelmed by all the cats. 

“I mean, Dad didn’t give me a place to stay, what else was I supposed to do?” 

Tyler fell silent, the realization hitting him like a truck. Josh wasn’t staying in Columbus; his father had sent him there on some kind of mission so he wasn’t going to be there permanently. The idea of being all alone again brought sudden tears to his eyes. 

“Ty?” Josh asked, noticing that he started shaking. “Hey, hey I got you, it’s okay, you’re good, I’m here.” He hugged him tightly and Tyler didn’t let him go for a long while. He didn’t ask what had triggered him; he simply rubbed his back and soothed him. 

Josh had gotten better at keeping Tyler happy. He had learned to ask fewer questions and give more hugs. 

“That’s it, you’re coming with me.” Tyler said, grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him out of the alley. 

“Wait!” Josh protested. “I can’t leave them.” Catalie Portman was sticking her head out the corner, the little kittens hiding below her belly. Josh crouched and the cats walked up to him, climbing onto his arms. Tyler just watched in awe, seeing Josh snuggling seven stray kittens and refusing to leave them. 

“Well I can’t let you keep sleeping out here like a dog.” 

“What’s wrong with the dogs?” Josh asked, and that made Tyler smile. It was incredibly cute how clueless Josh was about certain things. He also found out Josh had a pretty big amount of money with him, so he was able to convince him to check into a hotel. He did all this with a knot in his stomach that wasn’t alleviated by Josh giving him the usual support. Hotels aren’t permanent, he’s going to run out of money eventually, or leave town, whatever happened first. 

“Um, there’s one thing…” Tyler was saying to the lady in the front desk. “He has a lot of… cats.” 

“Cats?” the lady repeated, and Tyler moved over so she could see Josh sitting in a chair with all the family of cats on his lap. “That’s a lot of cats.” 

“Yeah…” Tyler scratched his head. “I know he can’t have them in the room, but if only maybe… they can sleep in and be out in the morning? Please? He’ll be responsible of all the cats, please?” 

By making puppy eyes Tyler was able to bargain with the lady and get Josh’s cats a deal. When night fell, hotel management saw two boys carrying cats up the stairs and into a room. Needless to say, the kittens and their mother were pleased by the softness of a bed, and both Tyler and Josh had to stop them from clawing at the sheets. 

They both lied down on the bed with the kittens playing between them, chatting casually. Tyler clutched his stomach in laughter when Josh started naming the kittens and he couldn’t stop for a couple minutes. Josh simply stared at his face, at this huge grin that lit up his features. He felt like he had accomplished something. They stayed in the room until it was pretty late and Tyler’s phone started ringing, his mom telling him to come back home. 

He was saying his goodbyes when he saw one of the kittens (it was Clawsome, or at least he thought it was.) walking off the edge of the bed, so he reached forwards to catch it. And Josh did too, both as fast as they could which ended up in their heads banging together and eventually they fell off. One of their hands was able to push Clawsome back onto the bed though. 

Tyler grunted when his body hit the hard wooden floor, and grunted again when Josh fell _on top_ of him. His whole body flushed with embarrassment, but Josh seemed not to notice or be affected in any way. Instead, he started laughing so hard he placed his head on Tyler’s chest to regain his breath. 

Eventually he got off of Tyler and helped him up, not quite understanding why his face and neck were so red. 

While Tyler was walking back home, he realized he had gotten himself into something he couldn’t get out off. There was no denying his feelings anymore. It confused him a lot because he never thought he would like… well, men. He didn’t seem to like men, he only liked _Josh_. Thinking about it explicitly made his heart flutter. The thing was, he was incredibly scared of loving and not been loved back. That would crush him completely. He was scared of getting hurt; he was scared of the pain he knew love came with. 

Tyler shook his head and walked home, wondering what he and Josh would come up with. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He got the answered in the morning. 

“A sleepover?” Josh asked, tilting his head to the side. “What’s that?” 

“It’s when you sleep over at my place. You stay there for the night and do all sorts of fun stuff without the pressure of having to leave.” Tyler explained

“Oh we can have breakfast in the morning!” he charmed. 

“Exactly. Did you have breakfast?” 

“Yes, the hotel’s food is pretty good.” 

“Did you get the cats out of the room?” 

“Yes. I mean they’re pretty wild so they went out the fire escape. I’m sure they’ll come back in the same way.” 

Tyler spent the day with Josh on a thrift shop so they could actually get him some clothes. He had been taking quick showers at random places and sitting on top of the public washing machine in his underwear. Tyler noticed Josh’s sense of style was completely null, so he picked up the clothes for him. Josh agreed to most of them, but wouldn’t let go of a green alien mask. Tyler almost drooled at the sight of him wearing skinny jeans and a dress shirt. Josh was pretty short but that outfit seemed to stick to all the right places. 

While wandering around the isles, Tyler saw something that made a spark light up in his head. 

“Josh! Josh!” he called, and the little man came to him trotting. “Let’s dye your hair!” 

“What is that?” 

“It’s when you take chemicals and rubbed them on your hair to make it whatever color you want.” Tyler explained. 

“How is that possible????” 

“… Science, I guess.” Tyler shrugged, but Josh was looking excited. He looked through the stacks, seeing different shades of brown, blonde and red, until he stopped. 

“This one.” He said, taking a package of bright pink hair dye. This was going to be fun. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I'm sorry for the lack of updates, I've been pretty busy lately. But now I'm back, Hope you enjoy! <3


	6. Loved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of things can happen at a sleepover

“Keep still!” Tyler said when Josh started squirming under his touch. 

“It feels weird!” he complained. 

Josh was sitting in a plastic chair his friend had put on the shower, his shoulders half covered by a towel. Tyler was standing behind him, spreading the pink paste with the little brush onto his hair, sticking the tip of his tongue out as he concentrated on giving his friend a pink mohawk. 

Tyler’s mom actually opened the door to see if the boys wanted something to eat only to see his son with plastic gloves on dying his friend’s hair. She said sorry and closed the door, smiling when she heard laughter coming from inside. 

“Do you think it’s gonna look good?” Josh said while they were waiting for the dye to settle. 

“I think it’s gonna look sick.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You look…” Tyler started once Josh had washed out the excess and made the mistake of drying it directly with a towel. He couldn’t find the words to describe him with a bright pink fluffy mohawk. Needless to say, he was proud of his work. “Amazing.” 

Josh was staring at himself in the mirror, smiling like a little kid. 

“Thank you.” 

After seeing the mess they had made and the stained towel, Tyler ushered Josh out of the bathroom. They settled on the couch under a blanket and Tyler ordered pizza. He was determined to give Josh all the foods he didn’t seem to have in Heaven. Sometimes he thought Josh was some kind of Amish person. He decided to set up a horror movie and turned off all the lights, and he wouldn’t admit that he did it just to see how Josh reacted. 

He sat upright nibbling at his pizza (Josh was amazed by the cheese) and paying more attention to Josh than to the screen. 

“Whyyyy are they moving into a house that clearly has some satanic shit in the basement?????” Josh exclaimed, exasperated with the typical white family of the movie. 

“It has a ceramic bathtub though.” Tyler argued, playing along. 

“Is a ceramic bathtub worth getting possessed?” Josh answered back and the creepy mood was ruined by Tyler bursting out laughing. 

“Don’t go down the hall, DON’T GO DOWN THE HALL.” Josh kept shouting at the screen as the movie went on. 

“He just wants to go to the bathroom Josh let him.” 

“He better hold it because there’s a demon down that hallway!” 

He jumped when a door opened with a creek, and he snuggled closer to Tyler as the protagonist slowly went to investigate it. He covered half his face with the blanket and curled himself up into a little ball, pressing himself against Tyler and whispering: 

“There’s something there Ty, the demon’s there Ty!” 

Tyler just held back a smile and when the jumpscare happened Josh let out a high-pitched scream and buried his face on Tyler’s shoulder, shaking. He didn’t look up until Tyler told him he was missing out on the movie. Josh spent the hour and a half holding on to Tyler and even he wrapped his arms around him to protect him from jumpscaring demons. Tyler’s plan had succeeded. 

When the movie ended Josh was pouting at him for choosing something ‘so scary why would you do that’. Between smiles he led him up to the room where his mom had settled an air mattress besides Tyler’s bed. It was pretty late and everything was dark, but Josh didn’t seem to be scared after the movie. 

A while had passed since they said their goodnights, but Tyler couldn’t sleep. 

“Josh?” he whispered. “Are you awake?” 

“I am now.” He answered mockingly. “What’s wrong?” 

“Can’t sleep.” 

“Thinking too much?” 

“Yeah.” 

Tyler heard some shuffling and before he knew it Josh was yanking the sheets off of him and pulling him up, saying: 

“You want to go hunt some ghosts down the hallway?” 

Tyler giggled and shushed him, walking on their tiptoes and even if Josh was reluctant about it, going into the basement. He might as well show Josh what used to calm him down. 

“You play?” he asked, looking at the wooden piano. “Play please.” 

“Okay, okay.” He actually got a little nervous, first because Josh was watching him and because it might wake everyone in the house. It was a miracle his siblings didn’t bother them through the night. 

He started to play a soft melody he had composed, and that was actually the first part of a song. Josh stared in awe, completely amazed by how Tyler’s fingers could make such a beautiful sound by pressing some keys. The piece went on for about a minute and then came to a stop, Tyler being out of breath for some reason. He saw the sudden sorrow in his eyes and was quick to praise him. 

“That was… amazingly beautiful!” he said, not sure if those words worked together. 

Tyler thanked it was dark because he was blushing hard. Josh asked him to keep playing, and the sweet melodies lulled him until he had fallen asleep on the floor with his head on Tyler’s thigh. He couldn’t help running his fingers through the freshly dyed hair. He ended up carrying Josh upstairs bridal style (with great difficulty, for a small guy like Josh he was heavy) and placing him softly in the air mattress. He must have imagined it but it was like Josh’s back was really soft, like a feathery kind of soft. 

He climbed onto his bed and stared at the ceiling, hearing the crickets outside. He tensed up when he felt the bed bend under the weight of someone. He noticed Josh had sleepily crawled under the blankets with him, and Tyler could feel the heat radiating off him. 

“Sleep.” He commanded, placing his palm over Tyler’s eyes. 

He simply sighed, accepting Josh’s arm thrown over his chest and his leg bent at his hip. For once he didn’t think about the contact, he just let it happen. 

“You’re really good at the piano…” Josh babbled, barely keeping his eyes open. 

“Thanks, that means a lot, Jish.” 

“Jish…” he repeated with a tired smile. “Do you feel okay now, Ty?” 

“I mean…”

“It’s okay not to be okay… just yet. But don’t you worry, I’m gonna make sure you are…”

“Why are you so nice to me, Josh? Why are you trying so hard to…?”

“Fix you?” Josh said, and Tyler could feel his breath in his skin. “Because you deserve it. You’re important and I don’t want you to feel broken.” 

“I feel whole when I’m with you.” Tyler admitted, not being scared to screw things up anymore. 

“Then I’m never gonna leave.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Josh was awoken by an annoying tingle in his skin. It was like an itch he couldn’t scratch, and he moved around in the bed a little before he actually sat upright, still feeling uncomfortable beyond end. 

He had never felt a presence so strongly before, and his angelic essence didn’t like any of it. 

There was someone in the room. 

He looked back at Tyler, but he seemed undisturbed by the constant buzz in the room. Then he sat it. There was a black claw at the edge of the bed, wrinkled and emanating some kind of thick dark smoke. The twitching and the blurred lines of it told Josh whatever that was it was on another realm of reality. 

Sure he had been scared by the horror movie, but this time there was something inside him driving him to smite that hand off his Tyler’s bed. He felt his angelic force burn at his chest, making his wings expand menacingly. Joshua the angel didn’t have a sword or any kind of weapon, but they balled their fist and held them in front of them, standing in the bed full height, ready to protect Tyler no matter what. They knew they were the only one who could do it. 

The creature rose to full height as well, revealing a humanoid form of smoke and static, with blood red eyes and a deformed smile filled with sharp teeth. They tilted their head as if they were confused seeing a Heaven being there standing between them and their prey. 

“Move, angel.” their voice was like chalk and gravel. “You don’t belong here.” 

“Back off, demon.” Joshua growled, their eyes flashing with bright whitish blue. 

“You cannot win the war, angel.” The demon snared. “I’m already in him; I’ve corrupted every cell, every connection in his heart, in his brain. I’m a virus that cannot be killed, a cancer that has already spread, and I won’t stop until he’s dead.” 

“I swore to erase every trace of you, I am Tyler Joseph’s salvation, and you’ll lose and go back to Hell where you belong.” 

They laughed, and Joshua heard Tyler whimper slightly. 

“That’s where you are wrong, Joshua.” They flinched at the use of their name. “And even the big man in the sky would agree with me, that your little mission has gone all wrong.” 

That made Joshua burn with anger, so they launched themselves forward and got their hands on the demon, which received them with a screech. The two beings rolled around the room, banging against the walls and launching blows at each other. The demon actually scratched Joshua’s shoulders, making them cry out. 

Finally Joshua landed a blow straight to the demon’s chest, and they felt their fist being enveloped by the flaming darkness so they pushed their light deeper until it dissolved and disappeared with an ear-raping screech. 

Joshua felt their heavenly fire start to settle and their wings start to relax. Now Josh raised his hand to feel at the wounds of his shoulder, and wasn’t surprised when he touched blood. Fortunately he wasn’t wearing a shirt with sleeves; it would’ve been hard to explain how it got torn. Instead he took off his shirt carefully trying to not get blood on it and not quite succeeding, and he ruffled around the bags full of clothing they had bought earlier that day. He picked a t-shirt that was soft enough to sleep in and walked silently to the bathroom, not before taking a look at Tyler. He was still sleeping but there was a frown on his face. 

Josh went to the bathroom and was lucky to find a first aid kit, so he slowly cleaned his wounds trying not to cry out in pain. He just prayed for the wounds given by a demon to not have an extra effect on his human skin. He patched himself up and putting on his t-shirt he crawled back onto the bed. Josh fixed the sheets and soothed Tyler until he was peacefully sleeping again. He closed his eyes and hoped for the morning to come quickly. He didn’t quite drift into a complete state of unconsciousness; he stayed alert in a ‘sleeping with one eye open’ fashion, making sure nothing tried to hurt Tyler again. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Morning came, and Tyler was the first to wake up. He blinked rapidly to clear his vision, seeing the morning sun seeping through the blinds and lighting the room up. A second later he felt the warmth and the weight of Josh, who had cuddled himself up on his chest and didn’t give any signs of letting him go. 

He stared at Josh’s face; he seemed so peaceful with his relaxed expression and the slight pout on his lips. Tyler lied there completely still; afraid any movement would wake him up. He stopped breathing when Josh shifted himself slightly to snuggle closer to him. 

“Ty…” he murmured in his sleep, cuddling him sweetly. 

Oh my God was all Tyler could think. He was overwhelmed by all these emotions and he didn’t know what to with them. They did things to his head and made him feel all fuzzy inside. Now all he wanted was to sleep in with Josh and not think for a while. But then he did the exact opposite. 

What if one of his siblings barged in? Oh no what if his _parents_ walked in on them all wrapped around each other? 

His distress was tangible enough for Josh’s eyes to flutter open. 

“Ty? What’s wrong?” he asked, looking half asleep half hurt when Tyler moved away from him. 

“I’m sorry…” he said, running his fingers through his wild hair. 

“Did I do something wrong?” 

“NO! No, it’s not you… it’s me, it’s just that I… my family is in the house and I just…” 

Tyler was about to jump out of bed but in his attempt to escape he lost his balance, but before he could fall face first onto the mattress, Josh caught him by placing a firm hand on his chest and pushing him back up. When he did so their faces ended up being incredibly close, their noses touching. Tyler’s eyes went directly to Josh’s lips, slightly parted and red. Josh however stared right into his eyes, a look so sincere and full of… love it left Tyler breathless. Josh was the first to break the silence. 

“You’re incredibly special to me, Tyler.” he said, not backing away an inch. “I feel something and I can’t describe it.” 

“Josh…” he started saying, but his whole body was frozen in place. 

“I know you’re scared, I can see it in your eyes.” Josh said, and looked puzzled for a second. “But let yourself be… be…”

“Loved?” Tyler completed, and Josh nodded slightly. 

The spell was broken by Kelly Joseph’s voice calling his children down for breakfast. Tyler took a deep breath and pulled away slightly. 

“Let’s go get some breakfast, shall we?” 

His smile was so perfectly fake Josh believed it, and followed his friend as if nothing had happened. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! here's a new chapter for our story  
> hope you're having a great week! <3


	7. Sound Of Static

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They had no idea what was about to happen when they walked into the forest

Months had passed since Tyler had tripped in the park and Josh had helped him up in the weirdest way possible. They had both changed, to say the least. For Josh, well, he was starting to feel something, something he knew he wasn’t supposed to be feeling. Angels were not capable of human emotions, but Josh seemed to be the exception to the rule. Even before coming down to earth, Josh had feelings his siblings didn’t share. 

Maybe that was the reason God had chosen him. 

But this was far different from anything he had ever felt before. Tyler made something inside him shift, like his body got all fuzzy and warm whenever Tyler smiled, Josh found himself thinking that his laughter was more beautiful than any scenery on earth, and overall he felt an immense urge to hug him and protect him. 

Even so, he sneaks into Tyler’s bedroom very late at night when he’s already asleep, and sits at the feet of the bed very still like a guardian so that the demon doesn’t have a chance to hurt him. 

Tyler had changed too. He doesn’t have time to hear the voice in his head because Josh seemed to drown it. He also had these feelings, and at one point he had to admit he liked Josh beyond their friendship. Was he scared? Of course he was, but sometimes he would go a step further, like holding his hand really innocently, rubbing his head against his shoulder like a puppy and hugging him tightly and longer than necessary. 

Josh didn’t say anything about it being weird, instead he would smile and play along by stroking Tyler’s hair and hugging him back every time. He had seen a lot of people being affectionate with each other, so why would he and Tyler be weird in any way? 

Despite having spent a fair amount of time on earth, Josh was still a little clueless and that’s why he didn’t know how to progress the relationship a step further and Tyler was too shy to do so. Instead they went on ‘dates’ that weren’t exactly ‘romantic dates’, just them going out to some restaurant for food, then go to Tyler’s place to watch a movie sitting very close to each other despite there being plenty of space on the couch, staying up very late at night and sometimes spending hours on end in the hotel room with all the cats. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Josh had left to tend for his cats and Tyler was going up the stairs, rubbing his eyes and ready to go to bed. Before he could lock himself up in his room to fiddle with his phone until he couldn’t keep his eyes open, he ran into Zack who was rushing down the stairs, fully clothed and with a nervous expression. 

“Hey, where are you going?” Tyler asked, holding him back by the arm. 

“Out. With some friends.” His brother answered sharply. 

“Does mom know?” 

He didn’t answer. 

“She won’t let me go if I tell her.” Zack whined. 

“Yeah maybe because it’s the middle of the night, Zack.” 

“Please don’t tell mom?” he made puppy eyes, trying to get his big brother to cooperate with him. 

“Fine, but I want you here at 2 am sharp.” 

“What!” he protested. “Then I won’t be able to do anything!” 

“Be here at 2 or I’m telling mom and you can deal with her when you decide to come back.” Tyler said seriously. It wasn’t like he didn’t sneak out when he was 16, but he wasn’t letting his brother run around like that. 

“Ugh, fine.” He grunted, and ran off. 

“Hey Zack!” Tyler shouted, making him flinch a little. 

“What?” he said, a little angry. 

“I love you.” 

They joked around quite often, but Tyler had always cared for him. Even though he noticed Zack was a little uncomfortable with Tyler’s former situation, he could see his brother’s worry for him. Now that he was better he was starting to see how his family felt about him. Zack looked into his eyes and saw that he wasn’t joking. 

“I love you too, bro.” he said, and gave him a little smile. 

After Josh had come into his life, Tyler started reconnecting with his family at the expense of Josh always being there. Both Kelly and Chris felt like they had another pink haired child, but seeing Tyler be himself again was totally worth it. He started having dinner with them again and the Joseph family was glad to feed Josh as well. The pair played videogames with Zack, gossiped with Madison even though Josh had no idea what was happening and they played pretend with little Jay. 

Chris’s way of connecting with his oldest son was through basketball, and he hadn’t been able to do that for a long while. Now they were playing one on one while Josh was sitting on the grass watching. He would cheer every time Tyler scored, and that would make him blush slightly. Both Tyler and his dad insisted on teaching Josh how to play, and soon enough he was running around with the ball. 

Tyler would be tired by the end of the day and would go straight to bed, and he would actually sleep through the night with no nightmares, which was a relief to everyone in the house. Not once did he notice Josh coming into his room to stand guard. 

One particular night, he was slowly drifting into unconsciousness when something woke him up suddenly, like a sound of something hitting the wood of the bed. He looked around and then was hit with a wave of nausea. He covered his mouth with his hands and lied very still, closing his eyes tightly. What was happening? The slight panic didn’t help his situation so he decided to make a run for the bathroom. 

He managed to make it and threw up painfully, holding onto the ceramic until his knuckles went white. He stayed there, breathing heavily and shaking uncontrollably. Then he felt like he was drowning, his vision blurred with unnamed tears and he gasped for air like a fish out of the water. He could clearly hear the sound of static in his head, and that just confirmed his fear. 

It was back. 

All the nights he had felt a little uncomfortable in his skin, that slight emptiness in the pit of his stomach, he had told himself it wasn’t anything because in the morning it would disappear. Well it had been there, dormant, waiting and now it had stroke him and left him breathless. The voice was there, this time stronger, everything was darker and he couldn’t scream out for help. 

Before he passed out he swore he saw Josh, and he had a pair of big wings growing from his back. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Josh didn’t understand. He had flown over expecting it to be a night like every other, but instead he found Tyler lying on the bathroom floor sobbing and scratching at his own skin. Before he could ask, Tyler passed out, still twitching slightly. He saw that he had thrown up, probably out of fear so he flushed the toilet. Concerned, Josh took him into his arms an carried him back to bed. 

Once he tugged him in and dried the sweat off his forehead, he heard a voice that he hadn’t heard in a really long time. 

“Joshua.” 

“Father…” he breathed out, his wings twitching at the sound. 

“Get out of the room.” 

Josh felt a sudden rush of fear in his veins. Dad sounded angry. He obeyed silently, jumping out and walking slowly, looking back at the window with concern. 

“What’s wrong, Father?” he asked, under the yellow light of a streetlamp. 

“I think you are forgetting your mission, Joshua.” He said dryly. 

“I’m not! I’m doing my best to make Tyler happy! I-I don’t know what happened tonight I just…”

“I’ll tell you what’s wrong.” Josh felt like he was going to burst into tears. He didn’t like his Father speaking like that. “Tyler’s become dependent. He’s addicted. I won’t deny it all gets better when you’re with him, but he sinks down and everything gets dark when he’s alone. It’s slowly killing him at night. He can only be happy when he’s with you.” 

“I…” Josh didn’t know what to say, what to do. He couldn’t deny any of it, he wasn’t about to go against his Father. 

“Teach Tyler to be happy by himself.” He commanded. “Show him he can, or else this whole thing will render useless.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Josh reflected hard on his Dad’s words. He thought everything was going fine! He didn’t know where he had gone wrong. He knew how to make Tyler happy, but he didn’t know how to show him he could be by himself. Thinking about it, Josh had become a constant in his life and when it went away things got unbalanced. God was telling him it wasn’t healthy, but something in his heart really wanted to forget about it. 

Tyler could be happy without him, for sure. But he didn’t want to. He stroked Meowses’ fur while pouting like a little kid. If he was sure of something, it was that he wanted Tyler all to himself. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tyler woke up feeling incredibly sick. His memory was a bit foggy, and when he didn’t come down for breakfast his mom went to his room to find her son all curled up in bed with puffy eyes. 

“Ty what’s wrong?” she asked, putting a hand on his forehead and feeling he was hot with fever. 

“I think I’m sick.” He whispered, his voice all raspy. 

Tyler spent all morning in bed, eating warm chicken soup and forming a new bond with the tissues. It wasn’t long until Josh was there; looking really worried because Tyler looked incredibly weak. He tried his best to cheer him up but his headaches made it painful to laugh. Josh ended up forcing him to drink as much water as possible, and finally to take some pills, see if that made him feel a little better. 

Kelly was glad Josh was there to take care of her son. 

He complied to his every demand, covering him with the blankets when he got cold, removed said blankets when he got hot, fixed the pillows, gave him water when his throat got dry, and rubbed his back when he went to throw up said water. 

Finally he fell asleep and Josh wouldn’t leave his side, so he slept there in a half-sitting position. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tyler recovered from his sickness by a week so everyone just shrugged it off. It didn’t make Tyler happy the fact that he had to stay in bed for a whole week not being able to go anywhere, so Josh decided to take him to the forest. After listening and nodding along to his mother’s advice, they walked down the streets, Tyler smiling widely at the thought of climbing again. 

Suddenly, Josh’s stopped, frozen in place and Tyler swore his eyes lost color. 

In Josh’s mind, he was hearing his Father’s voice again, and He wasn’t happy. 

“Come back Joshua, it’s been enough.” 

It took him a moment to realize what He was saying. Come back, mission over. He felt his heart clench painfully at the thought. He balled his fists at his sides and finding his voice said. 

“No.” 

Something inside him shattered, every fiber of his being was telling him what he was doing was wrong. Deeply wrong. But he stood his ground even when God himself said: 

“Excuse me?” 

“I can’t leave Tyler.” he said, completely sure of himself. 

“It’s bad for him now. Come back.” He repeated, and Josh could feel His anger starting to rise, he felt it in his bones. “It’s an order.” 

Now he really was gambling. God had given him a second change to think things through, to reflect on his attitude and maybe reconsider his choices. He reminded Josh He was in charge, He was calling the shots and Josh’s only duty was to obey, not to take part on the decision or give his opinion. 

He had been created to serve, and now he was resisting. He was going against his nature and it physically _hurt_. Their conversation had happened in a bubble where time was still, and Josh could see Tyler up ahead looking at him quizzically. His heart jumped. Josh loved Tyler; he loved him with every inch of his non-human heart, his non-human soul. He had a bond that it would be agonic to cut; he had taken a part of the complex systems of earth. 

He had met Tyler’s family and they had accepted him, a feeling that was unknown to him. He felt accepted; he belonged in that little human family more than in the infinite family of Heaven. He had fallen in love with every sunset and every sunrise, with the softness of his cats’ fur, with the taste of good food on his tongue. He had fallen in love with the wind and with the clouds, with the sober buildings and the small brick houses, with the wide roads and the green parks. 

He fell in love with the people, with the children. 

He fell in love with Tyler. 

“No!” 

“What did you just said to me?” God asked, and Josh felt that statement like thunder. 

“I’m not leaving Earth.” He said. “I’m not leaving Tyler.” 

Then suddenly, the bubble popped. Josh didn’t feel different, just a little disoriented. He blinked a couple times and looked around, seeing that nothing had changed. There was nothing wrong with him, nor with the things around him. Even the clouds were in place. He wasn’t really sure what he had expected. 

“Josh.” He heard Tyler call him. “You coming?” 

“Yes.” He answered, regaining his composure. “Yes I am.” 

They had no idea what was about to happen when they walked into that forest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! here's a new chapter, hope you enjoy it and thank you for all the support! <3


	8. Save Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh had never been to hell.
> 
> But he was pretty sure he knew what it felt like

Tyler wasn’t perfect. He had fallen off the trees he climbed numerous times; he had his fair share of bruises and broken bones. It was part of learning, the falls had made him tough, but he never stopped being afraid of heights. 

After being in bed for a week, Tyler was craving the forest. The fresh air filling his lungs made his head feel light and calm, the sound of the wind flowing through the leaves and the scents of the nature around him was all he needed. Also, Josh was there with him, following his every step. 

Something weird had happened earlier, when Josh suddenly stopped walking and looked like he had just being slapped, but when Tyler questioned him about it he said it was nothing. He didn’t want to ruin their little day out in the wild so he just let it slide. 

“This one.” Said Tyler, placing his hands on the rough surface of a tall tree. “I’ve always wanted to climb it; I bet it goes higher than any other.” 

“Why haven’t you then?” Josh asked, looking up and realizing it was indeed, very high. He couldn’t even see the top. 

“The first branches are too high, definitely can’t do it alone.” He gave Josh a look, his eyebrows raised and a slight pout on his lips. 

“I got you.” Josh said. He had gotten better at interpreting looks. “Boost me up and then I’ll pull you up.” 

That surprised Tyler; he was actually planning on doing it the other way around. Then again, he would have to pull Josh’s complete weight up with him which was more theoretical and hadn’t been tested before. Even if the guy was small, he was pretty solid. On the other hand, Josh had carried him multiple times as if he was a baby, and he seemed pretty confident on his strength so Tyler intertwined his fingers and crouched slightly besides the trunk. 

Josh placed one of his feet on Tyler’s hands, and propelled himself up with the other, Tyler giving him the force he needed to reach the branch. Josh pulled himself up pretty easily, and Tyler could only look up at him wondering if it was going to work. However Josh lied on his belly, hugging the branch with his legs and crossing his ankles, and extended his open hand down to Tyler. 

The boy on the ground licked his lips and flexed his knees, focusing intensely. He just had to jump and grab Josh’s hand. He was afraid that his weight would bring both of them down and maybe get them hurt, but a glance into Josh’s confident eyes told him he could handle it. 

So he jumped as high as he could and grabbed Josh’s wrist, curling his fingers around it and gasping when Josh did the same. He _smirked_ , leaving Tyler dangling for a moment before using all his arm strength to pull him up. Tyler should’ve been looking up to see when he could finally grab the branch, but instead he stared at Josh’s arm, he buried his eyes into the flesh and the _muscle_ action going on under his skin and just got a little flustered before recovering and pulling himself up onto the branch the rest of the way. 

Josh had really strong arms. 

It turned out that the tree was by a lake, that was peaceful and blue as the sky. They must have been really far in for Tyler had never seen it before. The two boys climbed up until a fairly high place, and sat on the branch, giggling at the cold air hitting their faces. 

“You’re now really good at climbing.” Tyler said, recalling how Josh had expertly made his way up through the snaking branches. 

“Almost as good as you?” he teased, wiggling his eyebrows which made Tyler laugh. 

“Don’t get cocky, there’s still a little bit left before the student beats the teacher.” He smiled. “And well, this is the highest I’ve ever been so I think you’re close to crossing that line.” 

“That means you wanna go higher?” Josh asked, kicking his feet happily. “There’s still more tree to climb.” 

“That’s way out of my comfort zone.” Tyler murmured, looking up and feeling dizzy already. 

Josh was about to nod his head and stay where they were but Tyler locked eyes with him and Josh saw such a raw determination he couldn’t help but give him a cheeky grin. 

“Let’s do it.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This is simultaneously the worst and best idea I’ve ever had.” Tyler whispered, feeling his knees shake as he struggled to breathe. 

His fear of heights had been the reason he started climbing, the feeling in the pit of his stomach was like a drug that got him high and cleared his head. Now it was clouding it and taking over his body, making him tremble uncontrollably. 

He was absolutely terrified, his vision going in and out of focus but the burn of his lungs and the high of the danger were too addictive. Josh played along with him, grabbing a branch above him and swinging back and forth, not noticing that while he was having fun and feeling like he was flying, Tyler was twitching around and not in control of himself. 

Josh started getting worried when Tyler started laughing maniacally and hysterically, and got alarmed when he started to wobble and pant, the branch bending slightly under his weight for it wasn’t as strong as the lower ones. 

Suddenly they heard a noise that made them both freeze. The sound of wood shattering. Josh lowered his gaze to see that the branch was beginning to give in, and there was a crack in the middle of it, splinters coming out of it. Josh was standing near the trunk, but Tyler was further away, and it was like that crack was the line that marked safety and Tyler was on the other side. 

If it broke, Tyler and the piece would fall while Josh remained in the rest of the branch attached to the tree. 

Tyler saw it and started hyperventilating, his fear getting the best of him and making the branch even more unstable. 

“Ty.” Josh called him, trying to keep serene for the sake of the situation. “Don’t look down, look at me.” 

With great difficulty, Tyler raised his eyes to meet Josh’s and the angel could see how terrified he was. He could see in his eyes the boy that was in pain and had risked his life several times, but certainly did not want to die today. Josh wasn’t letting that happen. 

“Eyes on me, good.” He whispered, his voice almost lost in the wind that ruffled his hair. He started to take baby steps towards him, wincing each time the wood creaked under his feet. “You’re gonna take my hand, and everything is going to be okay.” 

Josh reached out to him, Tyler slightly raising his hand but afraid that would knock him out of balance. It certainly felt like any sudden movement would make the whole thing break, and the feeling of the branch being loose under his feet made his head swim. 

“Grab my hand, Ty, I pull you here and we’ll both get down, you understand?” Josh tried to persuade him, his anxiety kicking in and he just wanted Tyler to hurry up and come to him. “Don’t panic, don’t panic… it’s all good, we’ll do this slowly okay? Slowly and steady, I’m right here, just…”

Tyler had his arm outstretched and their fingertips were brushing, but it wasn’t enough. Josh was keeping a grip on the trunk to steady himself so he couldn’t move, and Tyler couldn’t grab his hand no matter how much he reached for him.

So biting into his lip he took a step forward. 

That’s when everything stopped. Josh saw how Tyler sank down and he saw the pure terror of not having something solid under him. He reached out and was able to lightly scratch him…

But the branch had already snapped. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tyler felt the wood below him give in, and for a second he knew he was going to fall. He knew that there was no way of saving him, that he was already gone. 

In that second every time he had stood there in a high branch wanting to jump flashed through his head, all the times he wanted to fall and crash down hard onto the ground, crack his skull open and bleed onto the forest floor came back to him in a heartbeat, and he instantly regretted those thoughts ever crossing his head. 

The time he purposely let himself drop off a lower branch and hit the ground hard on his side? Seemed relieving at the time, but now it felt completely pointless and stupid. 

Because even though he had thought about it for the longest time, Tyler Joseph didn’t want to die. Death terrified him even if he tempted it many times. 

He felt Josh’s nails dig into his skin trying to catch him…

But the void had already swallowed him. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Josh had to watch the love of his life slip through his fingers and into the emptiness. A scream ripped through his throat as his hand closed around air. His ears started ringing, his actions felt slowed down and all he could process was that Tyler was falling, and the shock and terror and pain that crossed his chest made him seconds too late. 

Tyler fell with a silent scream, but hit the back of his head against a lower branch, which made his whole body spasm and his eyes went completely white. Josh leaped from his spot, wings outstretched completely like an eagle for a second before folding them at his back and diving like a hawk. 

The air watered his eyes and he saw through the tears how Tyler’s limp body fell the rest of the way hitting branches and tumbling down until he sank into the surface of the lake with a big splash. Josh dived right into the water, opening his eyes after a moment of confusion. His head was pounding and it felt like he had fallen against a brick wall instead of water. He regained himself and saw Tyler slowly sinking into the darkness, bubbles escaping from his mouth. 

Sunlight was coming in through the water, making Tyler’s features almost look peaceful. 

Josh swam as hard as he could, holding his breath and reaching to grab Tyler’s hand, painfully aware that he was taking too long due to the fact that his wings dragged him back to the surface. Still he kicked and wiggled until he was able to close his fingers around his wrist. Then he let his feathers float them both back to the surface. 

Josh wrapped his arms around Tyler’s chest and pulled him out of the water, his head hanging backwards and resting on Josh’s shoulder. He breathed heavily and swam awkwardly to the edge of the lake after failed attempts of taking off. 

As he squeezed Tyler against his chest, he noticed he wasn’t breathing at all. Blood was seeping from the back of his head and his body was twitching in agony. Josh felt tears come up to his eyes and he tried to blink them back but it was no use. The _pain_ in his chest was so strong it knocked the air out of him and made it difficult to even get up. His head was burning with a migraine and his hands were shaking uncontrollably. 

It was the emotions taking control over him, not letting him think clearly. His brain just kept pressing the panic button and his wings were so wobbly he couldn’t take off completely and instead crashed back down. He screamed, loud and raw, and summoning all his strength he carried Tyler bridal style, trying not to think about him lying completely motionless in his arms, and flapped his wings hard until his feet left the ground and he was in the air. 

His feathers had dried enough but Tyler had been out too long. 

Josh flew as high as he could, trying desperately to get a full view of where he was. A hospital, Tyler needed a hospital. For a moment he only saw trees, but then he could see the outline of the city. His head was swimming with exhaustion, both physically and emotionally but his hell hadn’t finished yet. 

He pushed himself to fly forward, and keep going even though his back was killing him and it felt like his arms were going to snap off. He wasn’t used to flying with another person’s weight, and falling from that altitude into the water had really hurt him. Apparently water wasn’t always the solution to break a fall. Apart from the physical damage to his body, Josh could feel his angel energy begin to fade. Slowly, but the change was noticeable in how his wings were losing strength and how he felt heavier than before. 

By the time a big red cross appeared in his vision, Josh was running on fumes and was about to pass out. He fought with all his might, with all the pain and love and horror he felt in his heart, he pushed through the agony he was in and was able to reach the front doors of the hospital. 

Well, not exactly. 

Josh didn’t care if anyone saw him; he didn’t care about anything but the fact that he needed to get Tyler to safety and to a place where he could be healed. He was starting to descend in plain sight, when he felt his wings go completely numb and a second later he was falling. Again. This time it was a short distance but he spun in the air and wrapped his whole body around Tyler so he fell on his back and Tyler didn’t get hurt further in the impact. 

The people at the hospital saw how a man with big brown wings tumbled down from the sky, holding something. When the men and women working in the emergency room got out to see what had happened, Josh opened up like a flower to reveal Tyler curled up on his chest, and then he passed out as well. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shocked out of their minds, the doctors saw two boys intertwined on the pavement, heavily bruised and bleeding. Suddenly, the guy’s wings became invisible to them and in their heads they had appeared there and needed to be treated. It was a short memory lapse, although some of them could still swear they saw the guy with pink hair fall from the sky. 

They brought a gurney and started to separate them, and that’s when pink haired guy opened his eyes weakly and stared at one of the medics helping him. The doctor was paralyzed by such eyes, which were in so much pain but also so worried.

“Take him in first.” He whimpered, his voice barely over a whisper. “Don’t waste time on me. Save him… save him…”

Then his mocha eyes rolled back and he was out again. The doctor was moved by his words, so he commanded his partners to treat the other guy first and over everything. He was in greater danger anyway, so they all rushed him in and sent another team to pick up the guy left on the door, but he was already gone, leaving nothing but a couple of brown feathers behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! glad to be back with another chapter for you, and thank you so much for all the support <3


	9. Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh couldn't be gone, not when Tyler is still breathing.  
> Not after he sees what he's done.

When Josh woke up, he felt something soft and silky under him, pressed against his cheek. He also felt uncomfortably damp. He decided to stay down for a moment with his eyes closed, trying to remember exactly where he was and how had he gotten there. 

Last thing he recalled was all blurred and confusing. It was all pain and soreness and Tyler. That thought gave him the strength to pull himself up. He saw he was on…a bed? And something heavy was on his back. Then he heard meowing. 

How did he get to the hotel room??? 

The kitties got off him and Galacticat and Catastrophe started licking his face with their raspy tongues. Josh wasn’t in the mood to play, which clearly upset the little cats and therefore their mother as well. When he lifted himself off the bed he saw that it was indeed damp, with a crimson stain. 

He had bled all over the sheets, and when he stood up his wings threw him off of balance and he saw how his feathers started falling on the floor like a waterfall. 

“No…” he whispered, burying his hands on his pink hair. “No no no no no.” 

He had _sweated blood _and his feathers were _falling down_. Josh was losing his essence, and fast, soon his wings would be so weak he wouldn’t be able to take off, his vessel would start to reject him and he would be forced back into Heaven, which was the last thing he wanted to do. __

__  
_ _

His worries about himself dying in a sense were replaced by thoughts of Tyler. God, he had fallen and hit his head and he wasn’t breathing, even Josh knew how dangerous that was. He remembered dropping him off at the gates of a hospital, he vaguely remember talking to a doctor? 

Josh crawled clumsily out the window and leaped, barely able to stop himself from crashing down on the street and instead flew up slowly and heavily. It was agony to fly in his state, but he was determined to go and make sure Tyler was okay. 

When Josh arrived to the building, they wouldn’t let him in for some reason. What was this ‘only family’ rule? He was his best friend; he was the love of his life! The pain was replaced with anger and he felt his wings expand unconsciously. If they wouldn’t let him see Tyler, then he would sneak in. The problem was that he didn’t know which window to knock on. When he was exiting the place, literally starting to sweat red warm blood, a young man stopped him. 

“You’re the guy who brought the other kid in!” he said, palming him slightly. “Are you okay? You seemed pretty hurt and then you just disappeared.” 

“I’m fine.” He answered, a little uncomfortable with how the doctor was checking him for wounds. He wasn’t really fine but that wasn’t his biggest concern. “The guy who was with me, I told you to save him. Where is he? Is he okay? Please I need to know!” 

The doctor was visibly hurt by Josh’s voice full of sorrow, but he gave him questions instead of answers. 

“Do you know any family we can contact? He didn’t have any ID on him and his phone was damaged by the water.” 

“Yes! I know his family but…” 

“I need to contact them.” He interrupted him. “Tell them their son is here, they must be worried sick.” 

“I’m worried sick!” he exclaimed, balling his fists. “Is my Tyler okay?” 

The doctor didn’t say anything. Josh felt like a knife had pierced his chest. 

“Is he alive?” he asked, his voice a mere whisper. 

“It’s complicated.” The doctor answered, and he gave Josh a look of pity. “But right now I need you to tell me exactly what happened.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blackmailed with the promise that if he cooperated he would be able to see Tyler, Josh retold his whole story as fast as he could and gave them the information they needed to contact the Josephs. Finally and after a lot of begging, he was following a nurse that led him to a room and gave him the same look of pity the doctor had given him earlier. All those looks were settling inside him, making Josh feel as if he had swallowed a bunch of burning rocks. 

When he pushed the door open, there he was. 

Tyler, his Tyler was lying on a bed pale as the sheets, his bones sticking out from under his skin and his eyes swollen and closed. His arms were littered with deep purple bruises and cuts. His head was wrapped in bandages, cables were attached to him from all places, his face covered with an oxygen mask and the constant growl and beeping of machines made Josh feel sick. 

He walked closer to the bed, and his eyes filled with tears and he fell to the ground, the nurse making an attempt to support him. 

“W-what happened?” Josh stuttered, barely keeping it together. 

“He suffered a lot of injuries.” The nurse answered in a soft, professional voice. “The back of his skull was cracked, he wasn’t breathing and he was going into shock. We rushed him into the operation room and tried to treat him, but the damage to the brain was too much. The doctors managed to restore his heartbeat, which was a miracle given how long he had been without oxygen but… they fear he might not be able to wake up.” 

“What? W-what do you mean he’s not gonna wake up?” Josh asked, trembling and having trouble understanding everything the nurse was saying. 

“It’s very rare for patients with this level of damage to get out of the coma.” She explained. “His organs are already starting to shut down. Soon those machines will be the only thing keeping him alive.” 

Josh stopped listening; literally he couldn’t hear anything else. His ears were ringing softly and it sounded like he was in a bubble. He was strangely aware of his own breathing, and his actions were all choppy. He slumped on Tyler’s bedside and starting softly caressing his hair, his brown fluff running through his fingers calmed his racing heart and slowed down time. 

Hours passed and Josh was in the same position, brushing Tyler’s hair with his hand the same way, the machines all kept beeping the same and nothing changed, it was like an infinite loop. He didn’t notice when Tyler’s parents came barging in, tears streaming from Kelly’s eyes as she stared at her son tangled in the sheets. They soon entered that infinite loop as well, and the two parents and the angel stayed there in that poorly lit room for hours. 

When the sun started to go down, Josh felt a hand on his shoulder and heard Kelly’s clogged voice: 

“Josh, sweetie, you need to go home.” 

Her voice was full of unshed pain but also concern for this pink haired boy that had become part of their family ever since Tyler met him. He had made their afternoons a lot better and had definitely helped their son recover from whatever he was going through. Josh shook his head, blinking slowly. 

“I don’t have a home. He’s all I got.” 

The nurse pursed her lips and said: 

“Visiting hours will be over soon.” 

Josh didn’t know what that meant, so when Kelly and Chris left, he just let his head fall into the edge of the mattress. He was feeling extremely tired, both because of his decaying angelic essence and the deep emotional trauma he was going through. His feelings had always given him trouble, both on Earth and in Heaven, but now it was too much for his non-human soul to take. As he fell asleep or rather passed out, his brain kept repeating one phrase and beating his heart each time: 

‘This is all your fault.’ 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Josh woke up again, feeling more confused than ever but glancing at his surroundings his heart stopped. He looked at his hands, and saw that they were delicate, perfect. He touched his face and felt skin as soft as a cloud. He turned his head only to see his reflection in the air, and saw that his hair was pure and beautiful brown. 

No pink hair, no flawed human skin. 

‘He’ was no longer a ‘he’, the human male vessel was left behind and now Joshua was back into Heaven. Kneeling before their Father, they lied there shaking uncontrollably and wanting to cry, but their angelic body did not allow tears to fall from their eyes. 

“Dad!” he cried, unable to look at Him, keeping his glaze fixed down. 

“You’ve disobeyed me, Joshua.” They knew that after their big discussion it was very weird for their Father to leave them alone like that. Now He had literally sucked them out of their vessel and into Heaven ready to give them the lecture of the eon. “I sent you to earth to save Tyler Joseph and instead you've made everything worst!” 

His voice was loud like thunder and Joshua could feel His anger, the anger that destroyed cities and made fire rain from the sky. They recoiled their wings in shame, trying hopelessly to hide behind them. 

“I tried Dad! I really did! I thought everything was okay and that the demon was gone!” 

“Just because you smote them once you believe the problem was solved? How can you be so naïve? I never should have sent you!” 

“Dad, please…” they begged. “I was trying…”

“NO! You were not listening to me!” 

“Then you should’ve just sent Michael or Gabriel instead of me! Because they're so perfect aren’t they?? They’re always kissing your sandals anyway!” they shouted, raising their face and looking at his Father through their curls. 

A second later Joshua realized they shouldn’t have done that. 

“You dare to raise your voice against me?!” God thundered. “And what is this? Jealousy in one of my angels?” 

“It’s the truth, Dad.” They answered, softer this time. 

“Earth’s changed you.” He said, and His voice was softer too, almost as if He didn’t want to be in this position. “These feelings are not meant for you, my son.” 

“I was like this before Earth, Dad!” Joshua cried hopelessly. “Why did you make us this way? So perfect yet so emotionless! And why am I the exception!?” 

“You serve a purpose, to be my messengers, my loyal guard. You do not need emotions.” 

“Then how do you explain the tingly feeling in my gut when I see Tyler?” they asked, and felt God sigh with sadness. “What the humans call butterflies? Why do I ache all over when he suffers? Why do I have such a need to protect him???” 

“Joshua… please…”

“I love him, Dad!” 

“You know nothing about love!” God replied. 

“What do you mean I know nothing about love? I've lived with you my whole life! I’ve seen the way you look at your sons and daughters, how you bless them, how you listen to their prayers and suffer with their sins, I know what love is!!” 

“The love you feel is a different kind of love, it is human, Joshua, it is imperfect.” 

“Humans are imperfect and you still love them anyway!” They spat back, feeling deep anger boiling in their chest at the fact that their Father did not understand. Then again, it was hard arguing with the almighty, and deep down the angel Joshua knew God was right, but human Josh was convinced. 

“Look at what you’ve done, Joshua! Look at that kid!” 

God showed him something dark, something broken and held by thin strings threatening to snap. It was burned and ripped; it smelled like acid and insomnia, like bitter coffee, sour mornings and gasoline. It was stained, it was wronged, it was weak, and it was tired. It felt like lying on a bed completely motionless and empty, eyes going out of focus, it was the sound of static, it was soreness, and it was the scrappy feeling of gravel and a particularly sharp rope. It was empty swing sets, a cold cemetery, and a padded cell. It was shaking, scratching, hurting, pointless mourning. It was choking, it was a sinister laugh, it was black paint and angry red, and it was thick suffocating smoke. 

God had showed them Tyler’s soul. 

“Oh no…” the angel breathed out, overwhelmed. “No no no, did I do all that? No, Dad! That can’t be possible!!” 

“I told you to guide him to the light, not to be his light.” God said, serious. “That kind of light is temporary, Joshua, it fades away most of the time, and when it does, what does it leave you? A broken human, a soul like this.” 

“I’m so sorry, Dad.” They cried, sobbing even though their eyes were dry. That stung God a little. 

“Tyler Joseph needed to find a permanent light.” He spoke, His voice a little pained. “He needed to find purpose and instead you gave him a half-assed solution that only made things worst. You disobeyed me and challenged me, and still I will let you down on Earth just to see what you've done.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sound of beeping filled his ears, a constant beep in the room. He became aware of his tongue sitting in his mouth that was dry as a desert. He felt like something was forcing him to breathe, in and out, in and out. Mechanically, and it felt incredibly uncomfortable. He didn’t see anything, how could he? His eyes were closed. He started to feel something under his… fingers? It was soft, and cold… like a bed sheet. Then the feeling of… tubes? And cables? Something was on his face, covering his nose and mouth. Oh God, it felt like something was jabbed down his throat. 

I need to open my eyes, he thought. 

Slowly, he lifted his eyelids and a bright light entered them. Was he in heaven? Was that the light at the end of the tunnel? 

Was he dying? 

He was confused. 

He managed to blink a couple times, and saw that he was in a plain white room. All this time the beeping had not stopped. He felt sore all over, and it was like he was in another person’s skin, like he was thrown into a washing machine. Or a blender. Or both. 

“Tyler? Can you hear me?” a voice said. He didn’t recognize that voice. His throat was blocked by something plastic, how was he supposed to respond? 

He grunted, showing his discomfort but that only sent a wave of pain through him. He felt like going back to sleep. When he woke up again, he was in the same white room, the same tubes, and the same goddamned beeping. But the thing in his throat was gone; still it felt like something hard had scrapped the edges. 

“We took the tube off, he’s breathing on his own now.” He heard the same voice say, and a muffled cry. 

“Is he awake?” another voice said. It was sweet, but a little choked. It was familiar… it was like…

“Mom?” he said, in a voice that was barely audible, and that single word hurt like hell. 

“Ty!” she cried, and ran up to his bedside, tears in her eyes. Tyler reached out to her but only managed to stretch his fingers slightly, but it was enough for her to grab his hand softly. “You’re awake…”

“What… happened?” he asked. He was having trouble finding words. “Where ‘m I?” 

“In the hospital, sweetie.” His mom was barely keeping it together, and was looking at him in a way that Tyler had never seen, a look so full of love and relief it felt almost painful to think what had come before that. “You had an accident.” 

“…Josh?” his head was swimming, his brain really wanted to pass out, but he needed answers. Where was Josh? Had something happened to him? Was he in the hospital as well? What if he got hurt? Why is he not by his side? 

His heart started to ache and it became hard to breathe, the beeping of the machines becoming faster and crazier. 

“Ty, Ty, I need you to calm down.” His mother begged, caressing his hair softly. That sparked something in his memory. Josh, Josh had been there, he had touched his hair just like that which meant he was okay but why was he not here? Had he left? What was happening!? 

“Where’s Josh?” he cried, his chest contorting in pain he knew only Josh could make go away. He needed him, he needed him now. He needed Josh like he was air and he hadn’t breathed in a long time. 

“I don’t know.” His mom said, sadness in her voice. “He brought you in the day of the accident and was here with you the next day but… he’s gone now. We haven’t seen him ever since.” 

“What? What do you mean ever since?” he asked, fighting the urge to subside and fall back into the bed. That couldn’t be possible. _He’s gone_? He couldn’t be gone, that just wasn’t possible. Josh would never leave him, Josh would never abandon him. 

“Tyler.” he looked right into her eyes and saw that she was extremely sorry. “We haven’t seen Josh ever since the accident. That was six months ago.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey there! 9th chapter already. Thank you so much for all the support and kudos and comments, I love it all very much <3  
> The story is almost over, just 2 more chapters to go  
> have a great week!! <3


	10. I Failed You, I'm Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It can't possibly get any worse for Tyler, can it?  
> What about Josh? What is next for him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a trigger warning, please be safe

Josh would’ve thrown a tantrum like a little child so his Dad would put him back into his vessel, but he didn’t need to. If God had done that on His own, then it must be some kind of punishment. When he woke up in his hotel room once again, the cats weren’t there. There wasn’t even a trace of them, no fur, no claw marks, no destroyed curtains. The whole room seemed really empty, like nothing had been living there for a long time. 

Which begged the question, what day was it? 

Josh knew time went on differently on Earth, how long had it been since he left Tyler at the hospital? 

When he ran down the street it looked exactly the same, he could even pinpoint the places he and Tyler had hung out. Tyler, the name was like a hot blade piercing his heart; he needed to see him, needed to know he was okay. The memory of Tyler falling and then being hooked on all those strange machines made his stomach twist itself into a tight knot. 

Finally he reached the hospital, completely out of breath. He knew the room so he flapped his wings around until his feet were off the ground. Josh felt like the air couldn’t get into his lungs but he pushed himself to fly up into the window. Holding onto the edge, his feet dangling, he saw that the room was empty. 

He closed his eyes and sighed, feeling relieved. If Tyler wasn’t at the hospital, he must be in his house, which meant he was okay. 

Josh walked towards the Joseph’s house, calmer this time, his heart full of joy at the prospect of seeing the family again. Josh also loved Kelly and Chris and all the Joseph kids, they became a huge part of his life and made him feel like he didn’t have to be powerful and all mighty to fit in, he could just be himself. 

But when he arrived to the driveway, blue and red lights flashed on his face and between the blur he saw yellow tape wrapped around the house and there were a few men dressed like cops all looking at each other with grim faces. The air escaped out of his lungs in an audible gasp which made some of the police officers turn their heads towards him, and start asking questions. 

At least Josh saw their lips moving, but he couldn’t hear a thing, as if he was underwater. They were making an unconscious wall in front of him, and Josh felt like he was being slowly dragged back by these people and that sparkled the leftovers of his heavenly essence. Josh wasn’t ahold of his emotions and being in between him and who he loved was a bad idea. 

The cops saw a bluish white energy in this kid’s eyes before the angel outstretched his wings powerfully and knocked them all out of balance, making them all fall onto the floor and before they could do anything he was walking through the crime scene and into the house that was supposed to be locked for the public. 

With fire still burning in his veins, Josh went up the stairs, feeling uneasy in that house that used to be so full of life and was now completely empty. In the second floor, he recognized Tyler’s door and it was slightly open. 

“Tyler?” he called, half hoping he was hiding in there. 

Josh wasn’t processing the house being empty, the cops being outside. 

He pushed the door open and slid in, getting hit with the awful smell of blood. His eyes watered with a stench he couldn’t quite recognize, and when he looked up he felt his heart physically rip apart in his chest. 

Tyler was there, hanging from a noose tied to the ceiling fan. There was a puddle of blood and a tipped over chair on the ground, and there was still blood dripping from Tyler’s open arms. His body was limp, his neck had snapped into an unnatural angle and there were purple bruises starting to appear in his skin were it met with the rope. Josh couldn’t see his face quite well in the darkness, but he saw his mouth was half open almost in surprise. 

Josh didn’t know what to do. He felt his chest filling up with something, but he just thought it was the purest form of grief. The angel fell to his knees, and with a trembling hand he reached out to Tyler, not quite able to touch him. 

“Tyler…” his name rolled off his tongue in a silent whisper that killed the morbid silence of the room. “No… no this can’t be happening… no…”

Then Josh realized Tyler wasn’t answering; that he wasn’t going to come down and tell him it was okay, that he had missed him a lot and that they should go eat something. No more playing basketball and watching movies on the couch. There were no more brown eyes staring at him with yearn, no more brown fluff he could run his hands through. There was no more laughter filling the air, no more longer-than-necessary hugs. There were no more trips to the forest, no more climbing so high it felt like they were flying. 

There were no more sweet smiles and blushed cheeks. 

There was no more Tyler. 

That’s when he screamed out in pain, despair, sorrow, grief. That’s when hot burning tears started rolling down his cheeks. That’s when he realized his heart had literally ripped apart and his chest was filling with blood. He even coughed between his cries, and blood came out of his mouth, adding to the mess on the floor. 

“I failed you.” he said, his hands stained with his own blood spilled because of his pain. “I’m sorry I failed you, Ty! I’m sorry!” 

Sobs rocked his whole body and he even had to support himself with his arms as he heaved and more blood spilled onto the floor. His wings felt heavy on his back, and the feathers started falling off, one by one, but it felt like they were being ripped off by invisible hands. Josh fell on his side and eventually rolled onto his back trying to breathe. He swore he saw the demon half hiding in the closet, their red eyes sparkling grimly. Their lips pursed slightly, and Josh felt they were giving him a look of pity, a look of ‘I told you so’. Then they dissolved into dark smoke, never to appear in that room again. 

They were right, all along, that night during their fight. 

_“You cannot win the war, angel.”_

Suddenly the ceiling fan gave in, it broke and came crashing down with a loud bang. Tyler’s body fell as well, the rope had snapped and he was lying on his side, very close to Josh’s face. Josh closed his eyes and felt his wings burning into the ground; he couldn’t bear to see Tyler, all lifeless. He felt his heavenly fire start to die out, leaving just ashes. 

Josh died there too, and the police men came into the room to find the kid that had killed himself lying on the floor, rope still around his neck, and his pink-haired friend lying on his back over the marks of scorched wings and feathers. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was no note. The Joseph’s knew their child was bad, and that the last months of his life had been absolute hell, but they didn’t quite get to know what had made living too much for him. 

Tyler got out of the hospital and was back into his usual mourning state, but the doctors said it was normal after waking up after such a long coma. Those six months had been a test that had broken them in ways they couldn’t imagine. Hours and hours of crying and pleading were spent in that hospital room. Week after week the two parents prayed their hearts out, asking God to bring their son back. 

It came a point where they even hesitated if keeping Tyler ‘alive’ was the best decision. It had been too long, there wasn’t any brain activity and the bills were piling up in the kitchen table. It was like Tyler was already dead. It was Kelly who didn’t have the heart to tell the doctors to pull the plug. She was committed to work from dawn to dusk if it was necessary. Even so, the doctors always told her something bad when she came in, like another one of his organs was shutting down, that he had gone into cardiac arrest and they had to bring him back with defibrillators, that the dialysis was being less and less effective. 

‘Visitor hours’ stopped applying to the Josephs, they could go in there and no one would stop them, they were known as the parents of the comatose kid, and that not allowing them to see him would be worst and they already had it bad enough. 

Six months, six long months and Kelly and Chris’s prayers were answered. 

The doctors had warned them that Tyler might not be himself for a while, that he could suffer from memory loss and even not recognize them as his parents. But seconds after he had woken up the first word to come out of his mouth was ‘mom’. The most painful thing was that he asked for Josh. 

Kelly was informed about the accident, how it had happened and why. She didn’t know about Tyler going into the forest, he had kept it as a secret since he started going out there. Once Josh left the hospital, nobody could tell her even if they saw him, he never came back. Kelly had tried to find him but it seemed almost as if he had just… disappeared. 

Of course Tyler would be devastated, they knew that. They tried not to force him; they gave him space and time so he could heal. After recovering some of his mobility and dealing with the repercussions of being in bed for half a year, Tyler would lock himself up in his room and his mom would hear crying from inside. Fortunately, he was more open to her, needing someone to hold him. 

“I loved him, Mom” He admitted one time when Kelly was soothing him in his room. “And now he’s gone.” 

Tyler was heart-broken. A boy had broken his heart and as his mother she was there to pick up the pieces. She soothed him, telling him she understood how hard it could be to get over a break up but that the heart heals with time and that he was still young and with a lifetime in front of him. 

“He didn’t even say goodbye.” He cried, feeling miserable because he was feeling so down about Josh leaving him. Yet again, his heart, his trust and his spirit were broken. He started seeing shadows again, hearing static, feeling numb, and for a couple months it was like nothing had changed, like Josh had never existed. 

Tyler tried to console himself, telling himself that maybe Josh’s dad had called him home and that it was bound to happen sooner or later, and that he _had_ to leave and couldn’t stay any longer. 

But that didn’t help the pain; it was completely irrational and could only be cured with time. 

Tyler didn’t give himself that time. 

.

The funeral was small and private, but one person showed up uninvited. 

When the police cleared the crime scene they told the Josephs that there was yet another body in the room, asked if they knew him. Pink hair, big brown eyes, of course they knew him. Before the ambulance came to pick them up, one of the bodies was gone, leaving only the scorched wing marks on the floor and big brown feathers scattered around the room, as well as blood that wasn’t Tyler’s. 

When the news reached Kelly, she felt like he had lost two of her kids instead of one. Josh was also dead and they didn’t have a body to bury? That just seemed horribly unfair. 

All the family was dressed in black. Madison was crying silently into Zack’s chest, who was hugging his sister tightly and looking forward very still, staring into nothing, his eyes rimmed with red. Little Jay was clinging to his mother, who was softly caressing his hair. Chris had a strong hold on his wife, and like his now oldest son he was staring right ahead. 

It was Jay the first to notice him, and hid himself further behind his mom. Then Zack noticed him, and he let go of Madison to walk up to him and punch him square in the face. He wasn’t the only one who blamed him, but was the one to physically express it. Kelly, however, saw the pink-haired boy she thought dead and gave him a big hug. Between tears and sobs he explained why he had left, why he had come to Ohio on the first place, not mentioning that his ‘mission’ was indeed, Tyler. 

They didn’t even question the fact that the police had told him he was dead and now he was standing there in a dress shirt looking like he really was dead. 

Josh didn’t talk after the service, but he couldn’t say no when the family invited him to stay and at least eat something before he had to leave again. He ate in silence, not having the heart to tell them that he was only there because God had allowed him to, that his taste buds and other human systems weren’t really working. 

After more tears were spilled and hugs were given, Josh walked down the street, aware of Kelly and Chris’s look on his back. 

Strangely enough, he felt ready to face whatever God had planned for him, he was certain that it couldn’t get any worse than this. He wondered if he would see Tyler again somehow. Would he hate him? Josh felt like the answer was yes. 

He had done so much to hurt him Josh thought he deserved whatever God was going to do to him. Maybe he was going to hell, and he wouldn’t admit that the thought genuinely terrified him. 

He walked down the road, head low, his wings completely broken and naked to the bone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys  
> sorry this took so long I've been very busy lately  
> just so you know, the next chapter will be the last one


	11. Fallen Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even with the most painful things, everything happens for a reason.  
> Tyler may be dead, but he's not gone.  
> As for Josh, only God can decide what to do with him now

Tyler thought about death a lot. He would like to say he had been close to it, looked it in the eye when he was staring down at a fall that would surely end his life. He shook hands with death when he was standing in the kitchen in the middle of the night holding a knife and wondering what if. He expected it to be… cold, dark, and lonely. Not much different from what life had become for him. 

He didn’t expect it to be this easy. 

He kind of hoped there wasn’t anything beyond; that when he died he would stop existing, but his believes told him the contrary. He had been feeling numb for a very long while, so kicking the chair and hanging there for a while went by in almost a flash. Again, Tyler found death so easy he was a little bit confused. 

Tyler didn’t go to heaven. 

But he didn’t go to hell either. 

Finding out there wasn’t complete oblivion after passing; he opened his eyes to see a bright blue sky, some branches making a complex web above his head and little snowflakes dancing through the air around him. It wasn’t the burning pit, but it couldn’t be paradise either. Where was he? 

There was only one thing he remembered in that moment: 

Worse than waking up seeing he didn’t succeed, he woke up to find out he did. 

He saw everything that happened some hours after he had done it. His mother was the one who found him. She was bringing him food up the stairs and knocked on the door, hopeful. When Tyler didn’t answer, she pushed through and when she saw him, the plates dropped to the floor and shattered. His mother was so in shock she just stood there for a solid five minutes, watching as if she didn’t believe her eyes. 

“Honey?” Chris asked, confused as to why his wife was standing in front of Tyler’s room without moving. 

Then he saw it. Tyler could see his heart breaking behind his eyes, but he slowly stirred Kelly away from the scene. Then it all became a blur of blue and red, and then he saw his parents standing in front of a grave, _his grave_ , hugging each other tightly. His mother was crying uncontrollably and his dad was keeping a stern but sad look, trying to be strong for her but couldn’t stop the tears that rolled down his face. Tyler had never, ever seen his father cry, he was always so collected, the head of the family, and now he was breaking down when his siblings weren’t looking. 

“What did we do wrong?” his mother asked between sobs. 

Chris just kissed her forehead and replied: “I don’t know.” 

Tyler saw his siblings. Zack figured it out by the cops being around the house, his brother’s room being sealed, the red puffy eyes his mother had. He felt a lump in his throat and it only got worse when Madison heard it directly from their father’s mouth, and ran off to somewhere. 

“Zackie, Zackie, where’s Tyler?” Jay was saying, pulling at his older brother’s sleeve. “Mom, Dad? Where’s brother?” 

Zack gave his parents a look of comfort and took Jay away from the house and crouched down to explain what had happened. He didn’t want his parents to go through that conversation with their youngest son. With that thought Zack realized he was the oldest now, and felt responsible for both his siblings and his parents, so he left a confused Jay with mom and went to look for Madison. 

Tyler also saw people from the community, from around the block tearing up slightly when they saw such raw suffering in a family. 

And finally, Tyler saw Josh. He saw him pushing through the policemen with extraordinary force, he saw him fall to his knees and start throwing up blood, his body shaking with spasms. He saw him cry out in agony, babbling one phrase over and over again: 

“I failed you.” 

That’s when Tyler put some sense into the situation and realized Josh _had_ to leave. He knew that even from before the accident, and now he had returned for some reason to find him like that. Tyler saw him cough a few more times before his chest stopped moving and his eyes went glassy. 

Tyler instantly regretted it. He wanted his suffering to end, not to just pass it to his loved ones. 

He wasn’t the only one that died that day. His family’s hearts died as well, and the person who had loved him to the moon and back died there too.

It was a very heavy burden. It turned out that he was in the forest of all places, silent and invisible to everyone. He tried to get out, go to his house, and say he was sorry, but he couldn’t leave the forest even if he pushed against that force with all his might. So Tyler stood there, realizing he _was dead_ and his family was much out of his reach. 

He didn’t keep track of time, he just watched the sun rise up and then go down, rise up and then go down over and over and over… and over and over and over again. 

His parents’ pain never went away, it simply shrunk a little, and so did his guilt. 

After a while Tyler had gotten used to the silence. He was used to the slight sound of still-alive creatures, like bugs and birds and small mammals. They saw him, birds would tilt their little heads at him, squirrels would stop and smell the air around him, but the animals kind of accepted him there and didn’t run off like they would with a normal human. 

One day the silence was disturbed by a loud bang that shook the earth below his feet and made every living thing run for cover. 

Nothing similar had ever happened in the forest, and that struck Tyler’s curiosity. He literally had nothing left to lose. He walked around for a while, recognizing every tree and every root he walked over. God, he really had spent a lot of time in that forest that now he knew it out of memory. Eventually he stumbled upon something that wasn’t there before. 

There was a huge crater on the floor, like something heavy had come down striking the ground, digging a considerable hole and throwing dirt everywhere. Whatever had fallen, it must have had a huge amount of speed when it hit the earth, because the crater was pretty deep. Tyler thought it was a meteor or some space rock that just so happened to have fallen there, and that the science men would be there soon to investigate it. He tilted his head up to see that it had kind of left a trail, some trees were burnt and many branches had snapped, as if the object had come crashing through them. 

Instead, when he looked over the edge, he saw that what was at the bottom wasn’t exactly a rock. 

There was a _human_ down there. 

It seemed like he had been struck by lightning. Twice. The skin was all burned; the outlines of bones were sticking out sickly and the person was lying on their belly, their cheek pressed against the hard ground. What was more impressive than a human in a crater was that they had big skeletal wings. Wings, like a bird’s but attached to their back, bent in unnatural angles, definitely broken and only a few feathers still clung to the bone, which was bloodied and still had some loose tissue hanging from them. 

Still, what made Tyler take a step back to regain his breath that he didn’t know he could lose was that he recognized something in the person down there. How could he not? He had done that himself, one day that seemed very far away, in his shower. 

Sure it was burned and faded, but it was a pink mohawk. 

“This can’t be possible.” He said out loud, but a sudden feeling in his chest told him it was exactly what he thought it was. He looked over one more time, not really sure if he should go down there. 

But he did. 

Kind of sliding on the edge, he reached the bottom and carefully bent down to look at his face. God, he looked awful, his skin was sickly pale, his eyes were all puffy but the sockets of his skull were visible, as were the little veins in his temples. 

“Josh?” he finally said, and like that it became real. He tried not to stare at the bones literally coming out of his back, thinking about how painful they looked. 

That single word seemed to make him come to his senses, and his eyes fluttered open, Tyler saw they were completely bloodshot. 

“Tyler?” he asked, sinking down even further into the hole, barely able to keep himself from passing out. His efforts were useless because a second later he was out. 

It was Josh. It was Josh, at the bottom of a crater with wings on his back. But it was Josh, Josh the person Tyler had loved more than himself when he was alive. Josh that made everything so bright and then it all became even worst when he disappeared. Josh, who had literally _died_ by his side in his room after finding him hanging. 

Not really thinking about it, Tyler maneuvered himself so that he could pick Josh off the ground and then with all his strength and his will, managed to get him out. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It hurt. Everything hurt so much Josh _wished_ God had just killed him. Instead he woke up with his cheek against some cold grass. When he opened his eyes he saw some trees and the rays of sunshine coming through the leaves. Then he felt his wings and knew they were broken beyond repair and that he would feel the pain of it for the rest of eternity. 

He managed to sit up and he closed his eyes tightly at the feeling of dizziness. If he was feeling that sick, it only meant he was still in his vessel. Josh pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes harshly, and sobbed. 

Then he felt some arms wrap around him, and after a second he notice he knew those arms. How much time had he spent between them? Enough to feel completely safe there. Tyler detached himself to stare right into his eyes, both of them not knowing what to say. 

Last time Tyler saw Josh, he was falling down to a certain death. 

Last time Josh saw Tyler he was dead on the floor. 

So what was there to say? 

They just stayed there in each other’s arms for a long while, Josh sobbing slightly both for the pain he felt in his body and the ache in his soul. That he wasn’t sure was a soul anymore. 

“What happened?” Josh asked, he was still very confused. 

“I…” Tyler started saying, rubbing his hands together. He looked so… alive, his skin had a glow to it, his eyes looked the same, like there was still a soul behind them and Josh could swear his hair was longer than before. “I found you in a crater and I took you out but… you are…”

“Sorry.” Josh answered, real tears rolling down his cheeks. “I’m really sorry…”

“I’m sorry too but…” Tyler cut him off, he was holding one of his feathers, one of the last ones that had already fallen down. It was impossibly soft and brown like Josh’s eyes. “Are you some kind of…?”

“Angel?” the word felt bitter on his tongue. “Yeah… I kind of am, _was_ , I was an angel.” 

Tyler was at a loss of words. Suddenly every piece of the puzzle fit together, how Josh didn’t know certain things that were so common on Earth, how…

“When you said you were from Heaven…”

“I meant it literally.” 

“Oh my God.” Tyler whispered, for the first time since he had woken up in that forest, he laughed. Josh crossed his arms against his chest, since the sound of Tyler’s little giggles made his heart turn, which was weird since he thought it couldn’t be possible. Tyler kept laughing because the situation was just so ridiculous. 

“When you said your dad…” he said with a playful smile on his face. 

“I meant God, yes.” Josh answered and his lips curled when Tyler doubled over in laughter. 

“I can’t! I met an angel, a real angel…” he kept saying, he was out of his mind he couldn’t believe it. 

“Do you know why I was sent to Earth?” Josh asked, and Tyler just shook his head. That was the part of the puzzle he couldn’t solve. “I was sent to help you, Tyler. God listened to your prayers and decided to send me to save you.” 

He just stared at him, completely serious, and he started blushing deeply. 

“But I fucked it all up.” Josh continued, and covered his face with his hands. “I disobeyed because I didn’t want to leave you, Dad- I mean, God- and I got into a fight, He showed me how broken you were because of me and He just… casted me out. Because I did everything wrong.” 

Josh had actually started crying, and Tyler recognized that kind of pain because he too had felt it. 

“Hey, hey, no, no, you didn’t break me.” he started saying, trying to get Josh to look at him directly but he just kept avoiding his eyes. “Josh…”

“I understand if you blame me.” He stated, pure sorrow present in his voice. “If you think I’m a monster.” 

“A monster? Josh you’re the opposite of a monster. You are an _angel_ , literally.” 

“Now I’m a fallen one! Look at me!” Josh yelled all of a sudden, tears cascading down his face in an angry current. “I’m all deformed and ugly and…”

Tyler silenced him by pressing his lips against his in a harsh kiss. Josh stopped rambling and kind of lifted his hands not pretty sure what to do with them, he could only think about Tyler’s hands on his cheeks and his lips on his and…

He pulled back, letting go with a ‘pop’, and there was a tense silence afterwards. 

“You’re an angel.” Tyler said, breaking the silence. “Say otherwise again and you’ll get that each time a hurtful word towards yourself comes out of your mouth.” 

Josh was tempted to do so again just to see if Tyler would keep his word. He wondered what had led him to do that, to, well, kiss him. He had been reluctant when they were on Earth but now Tyler had nothing to lose. Kissing Josh had sent a wave of adrenaline through him, and he felt like he could do anything. 

“I… understand if you hate me, Ty…”

“I literally just kissed you.” he exclaimed in disbelief. 

“I was never good at interpreting actions, you know that.” He half-joked and that made Tyler smile. 

“You think I hate you, Josh you gave me the best time of my life!” 

“And look at how it ended!” 

That seemed to strike something inside him, like his chest had tightened all of a sudden. Tyler hadn’t experience pain per se since he died, and now it was back as a little pinch in his heart. 

“I don’t blame you, I just…”

“Even if you don’t, I blame myself.” Josh admitted, his head hanging low. 

“Hey.” He called, but Josh didn’t look up. “I used to do that too, I know it’s not easy, I know it takes more than just a person telling you not to. I know what I’m talking about when I say it will get easier, with time. 

“This won’t.” Josh sobbed, and Tyler felt his heart hurt again. “You can’t possibly understand how this feels, my wings hurt like hell, and we don’t use that word lightly. I feel worthless. I _am_ worthless. You might not get it but when an angel falls that’s it, it can’t get worse than that. This is my personal hell, Tyler; I am doomed to eternal suffering. I wish Dad had killed me instead of this.” 

Every word was digging deep into Tyler’s chest, making it a little hard to breathe, a feeling he thought gone forever. He reached out; slightly touching Josh’s scorched wings, retiring his hand when he saw him flinch in pain. He didn’t know what to do; he was clueless when it came to emotional pain becoming physical. Still, he could tell that Josh was hurt beyond his body. 

“I can help you through it.” he said, trying to imitate that calm voice Josh used on him on another life. “Maybe I don’t know how it feels, maybe I can’t stop your… wings from hurting, but I can be there, always, okay? You don’t have to be alone.” 

“I feel… abandoned.” He cried and looked up to the sky with nostalgia. 

Josh couldn’t imagine what it must be like to be thrown out of Heaven of all places, back when he was up there he didn’t think about what it was like to lose the angelic essence that kept him as an angel being, how it must feel to lose the connection with God. Now he was on the ground like a dog looking up and yearning for that feeling he thought would never leave him. 

“God hasn’t abandoned you.” Tyler said, tilting his head slightly upwards. He didn’t know what God thought about the decision he took, but the fact that He hadn’t made him go to hell was the only proof Tyler needed to know that he wasn’t completely forsaken. 

“Please.” Josh scoffed. “Of course he has, he hates me.” 

“I don’t think God is capable of hating anyone.” Tyler said. Sitting there in front of Josh who was an angel and was crying his eyes out, made him feel a little uneasy, but he welcomed that feeling as something that made him at least a little bit human. “He still cares about you.” 

“How can he? I’ve challenged him! I am the same as Lucifer himself!” 

“Don’t say that, Josh.” 

“It’s the truth.” He pouted, looking away. 

“No, you're not like the devil.” Tyler affirmed. “You’re not evil, you don’t have a permanent grudge on you dad, right?” 

“No...” 

“Then you’re not Lucifer number two. Maybe you’re not Joshua The Angel. You’re simply… Josh. And that’s more than enough.” 

“....okay” he said, and Tyler smiled. It was a work in progress, but with time he knew Josh would heal. 

And they had all the time in the world. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tyler and Josh saw many suns and many moons; neither of them kept track of what that meant. They simply walked through the woods enjoying each other’s company. It was a nice change, to have someone to talk to while being stuck there in between the trees. 

“Josh?” Tyler called him, and was pleased to see that Josh looked up to him with a smile. 

He had gotten a lot better, he wasn’t looking so sick anymore but the skeleton of his wings was still sticking out through his skin. Tyler had washed the blood off, a painful experience nevertheless, but Josh felt lighter at the end. He had also learned to cope with the pain until it was just a dull buzz in the back of his head, which stopped bothering him a long time ago. 

Sometimes when they were cuddled together on the grass, not really sleeping because neither of them needed it anymore, Josh would stare at the stars and think maybe, just maybe, his Dad didn’t hate him so much. He allowed him to be with Tyler after all. 

Josh didn’t know, but God considered that keeping the two of them apart wasn’t a solution. He just wanted what was right for his sons, one of them an angel that had turned into a human at heart and a tormented boy that found a temporary light to brighten his days. Sure, Tyler chose wrong, but that didn’t stop God from loving him. Humans made mistakes all the time, small ones and big ones. As for Josh, he rebelled but didn’t have any intentions of bringing Heaven down, he was simply not happy up there anymore. 

God was hard on both of them, but never, not even for a second did He stop loving them. 

Josh knew that, and simply thought that his Father knew was he was doing, that everything he had done was for a reason even if it hurt. He didn’t blame his Dad for casting him out, he had done something wrong and he got a punishment. He was mature enough to understand that. 

“What made you turn your back on God?” Tyler asked one evening. 

“You.” he answered with no hesitation. 

“M-Me?” he stuttered, and Josh saw his cheeks turn red. “Why?” 

“Because I love you.” 

Tyler opened his mouth in a silent gasp, and then closed it again. His whole face flushed crimson red, and he just didn’t know what to say. Sure he had kissed him that one time but nothing more and now Josh was saying he loved him and he didn’t know what to do and he should really say something and stop this train wreck that his thoughts became. 

“I fell in love with your smiles, with your laugh, with your soul.” He continued. “I fell in love with you and I wasn’t supposed to. When Dad called me out on it, I said I was staying on Earth, despite Him telling me to come back. The love I felt in that moment was so strong I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving and never seeing you again. It’s a love I still feel.” 

Josh had literally said no to _God_ because of _him_.

“Josh…I…”

Before he could say something, Josh closed the space between them and gave him a soft, tender kiss that lasted only a few seconds. 

“You don’t have to say anything.” Josh said simply. 

“I love you too, you know?” Tyler said, finally smiling shyly. “I think that’s what I wanted to say, for the longest time.” 

“Well time isn’t an issue anymore, is it?” Josh joked, and they both smiled at each other. 

“How about we climb? Like the old times.” 

Climbing did hold a lot of memories, a lot of good memories of them just sitting on a branch watching the sun set even though you shouldn’t be out in the forest past sundown, of them giggling and talking and just being happy without having to think too much about it. Josh noticed how Tyler yearned for things to be like that again. 

“I’d love to.” He answered and followed Tyler up the trunk of an oak. 

When they were settled on a branch, the wind piped up and hit them with a gentle and calming breeze. Tyler smiled, something he did a lot now. 

“Are you still afraid of heights?” Josh asked, kicking his feet. 

“You bet I am.” Tyler said, an ironic laugh leaving his throat. “I would’ve stopped being afraid if I knew you could fly.” 

“I literally dived into the lake, got you out and carried you in my arms as I flew to the hospital.” Josh said. It wasn’t painful to talk about the past anymore. “I think my flying skills were on point.” 

“It’s funny, you know? To look back at the crazy stuff we did.” Tyler murmured, his gaze lost in the horizon. 

“Like dying my hair pink?” 

“Can’t believe God let you keep that.” Tyler joked sarcastically. “I mean that’s a pretty big statement if you ask me.” 

“We were different people back then, Ty.” Josh said, staring at him with love in his eyes that Tyler reciprocated. “And maybe things won’t be the same, but you know what? I finally understand what you meant. Up here, it almost feels like I can fly again.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and this is it, the final chapter  
> this story has been one hell of a ride and I certainly enjoyed it a lot  
> it made my day better to see the comments and kudos, thank you guys so much for all the support <3  
> over all I wanted to send a message, to anyone going through tough times, trust me it does get better, you just have to find something that makes you feel whole and happy, and pursue it. Stay alive everyone, you'll be okay  
> I promise
> 
> Love you all, <3  
> \- N

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! hope you enjoyed that first chapter  
> I'll try to keep a regular uploading schedule, nobody likes incomplete stories.   
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated <3  
> Have a great week!! :D


End file.
